How to Be a Protagonist
by Ghostwriter789
Summary: The cardinal sin of fanfiction writers... the self insert. I used to hate them with a passion, but now forced into a world of death and ninja I am stuck as the main hero. Shit. Alternate Universe (kinda), Self-Insert (sorta), Gen-Fic (for my character at least), and death to all OCs? (Most definitely) Warning: Written with my ADD/American perspective. Can be a bit jarring.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Prologue of Doom!**

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**A/N: So this is my first self-insert story. Kinda wondering if there is any rules to them other than the typical 'just don't write them'. I hear it is considered bad form… Eh… who cares anyways?**

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**Disclaimer: This kid is not really me. This is an OC based on a scenario of what I might have been like if the world had dealt me a different hand. Not a bad hand, well other than being a self-insert in an Anime, just different. As such, while I write him he might have a different perspective or two than what I now hold. Just a heads up.**

**Also… fair warning… this is from my perspective… You are going to get a peek into the head of an avid fanfiction writer. I don't know if you should be excited or possibly very afraid. Just a heads up.**

* * *

I… felt…? Numb… very… very numb… I can't breathe…

It wasn't a good feeling. Pins and needles ran up and down my arms, neck, shoulder, and upper torso.

I… can't… breathe…

It felt like someone had cut off the flow of blood to my hand too long but all over my body. Any movement sending an uncomfortable non-pain traveling across and through my skin. My vision tunneled as my peripheral vision went to shit.

How had it come to this?

Breathe…

Some bastard must have given me the wrong script at the pharmacy… I really should have read the bottle better, but I guess this is what happens when you overdose on painkillers…

Inhale…

Exhale…

I just got my wisdom teeth pulled. Happy twenty something odd birthday! I take a few of these suckers to numb the pain and boom! Collapsed on the floor of my apartment and not able to move as the mis prescribed muscle relaxers and pain killers made it increasingly hard to breath… to think… to even beat my heart…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Then suddenly blackness…

* * *

I woke up screaming. I was disoriented. I was not sure if I could move or not. Everything was so unreal yet so very, very real.

But all that paled in comparison to the omnipresent PAIN that wracked my body. It was worst in my stomach. I felt this indescribable hot and cold and jus- I said it was indescribable right?! How the hell am I supposed to describe it then!? Well if I had to describe it, it felt like someone had decided to pump molten steel into my veins, mixed with liquid nitrogen and then electrocute me.

Needless to say I was in so much pain I couldn't breathe, it hurt, I was scared, I admit to crying like a little child as I screamed silently, maybe aloud, I have no idea, I thought I was on some kind of drugs or something. All I know is that I passed out not even a second later and darkness overtook me a second time.

* * *

Now the next part is a little weird to describe but bear with me. Basically, I thought I was in a hospital and on some kind of drug. I couldn't see well, spatial reasoning was skewed, the works. I had been on morphine when I had my appendix removed, but this shit was different in that it only affected my head, my mental capacity and not my ability to feel or comprehend pain.

Trust me, the caretakers heard ALL my complaints about how I couldn't move well, how I was hungry, how I wanted to see the manager of the hospital, but they ignored me. It was terrifying. I was a grown ass adult and I couldn't even SPEAK anymore let alone come up with a compressive thought beyond THIS IS NOT NORMAL!

Worst yet, I was left in the care of people who obviously didn't speak English. I knew that much even with my head in the fog. They fed me with a bottle like I was an infant but at the time I was too scared, too tired, and all together too angry to really even care. If you are wondering why I didn't figure it out sooner I blame the drugs that children are on when they are newborns.

But what had me so scared. I nearly threw up was when I finally comprehended my new name.

Naruto.

* * *

You maybe wondering why this is even a thing. How some grown ass twenty year old adult, got himself stuffed into the body of an anime character? If you are, _good_. Take a number… I am right in front of y'all.

So lemme get something straight before I talk about the 'childhood' I was forced to grow up with. This is kinda personal, but I don't know how else to explain it…

I don't blame any _one_ of these people… not one…

I hate 'em, I wish they would keel over, and stop glaring at me all the damn time, but I don't _blame_ 'em.

I grew up in America. I was a child during the time of the Nine-Eleven attacks. I remember the horror, the fear, wondering if everyone was going to be okay. The world about ready to go to war, everything peaceful and nice suddenly ripped away while the world watched and waited for the other foot to drop. Nothing was the same. I remember all of that shit. I was watching freaking 'Sesame Street' when the news suddenly changed, and I saw two towers on fire. I remember seeing people crying, I remember bowing my head in silence in class the following year, I remember all of that. I can't remember my real name for beans, but I remember that shit… Even then I didn't _live_ it.

Now, times that by Hurricane Katrina that hit the Southern States and that was basically the state of Konoha after the Nine-tailed fox attack.

Mothers crying for their children. Sons who lost Fathers. So much death, so much pain… and the reason for it was stuck inside my stomach…

Yeah, I remember the show… I remember up until I stopped watching in Shippuden when Asuma died… kinda… Whatever drugs babies are on made me forget most of it, but there was some shit I remember plain as day…

I was Naruto _freaking_ Uzumaki.

The Fourth Hokage died so the Fox could be contained.

I was the container. A Jinchuriki.

And I was to be some kind of hero to a show I never bothered finishing…

So… Yeah.

Naruto's childhood? Wasn't too bad.

I think I grew up in worse conditions or at least have gone camping for more than a week, because the apartment I was given when I was five was spacious, and I could reach everything with the help of my handy-dandy plastic milk crate. I grew up on boxed ramen and bowls of cereal.

I tried making a few dishes I knew from my old life, but I could never find the ingredients! You never know how much you miss cheddar cheese, real American cheddar until you try to treat yourself to a bowl of Mac and cheese… It didn't go well… I found the milk…

Like I said, it was a bad time for growing up in Konoha. Shit was real. Food prices were tough for everyone not just me, but I made do.

All in all, a lonely childhood, but nothing too terrible…

Except the staring.

I get it. I really do. In my gut was the freaking Nine-tails… I was the host of some crazy strong demon thing. Of course I didn't have any kid friends growing up to play with and people sure as hell warned them off from me. I wouldn't want my kid playing with a guy that had a fox-shaped nuke shoved up his ass either! Not that I wanted to play with them anyway... I just wanted a turn on the swing when they were done…

I like swings, okay?

But the staring man… I've been that one kid of a different racial ethnicity on the block, no idea what mine even was but I remember it happening, you know how when you are walking by and all the kids just stop and look at you like you are not supposed to be there? That you are the weirdest thing on the block? That you almost offend them by just being there? That feeling.

Now mix that feeling with that once over look you get when you come to school with bad clothes on. I don't even remember what the clothes were, but just that anxiety you get when you remember too late you have a stained shirt on or that your pants ripped in a bad spot. That feeling of them staring at you… then times it by like a million…

It was like I was a Japanese or Russian kid during the cold war. Everyone looking at you with a mix of surprise to actually see you around, disdain, ignoring you, and occasionally like I just told them I there was shit in their brownie… But all the time judging you. Like you were going to get them killed somehow or the fed would show up on their doorstep in the middle of the night... They weren't _wrong_...

Needless to say I did not enjoy taking 'pleasure walks' down the streets of Konoha. But that's fine. I'm more of a homebody myself. I enjoy a good book, learning to cook again with smaller hands, even planting my own little garden on my window sill. That was my childhood up until the time I was about… seven-ish. I say 'seven-ish' because everyone else in my class was eight or something.

Fun fact: Naruto is actually the youngest of the main characters!

I found out the hard way that it came with it's fair share of perks and drawbacks. You know that almost universal rule kids have that if you are older than them they have to at least listen to you if not outright do what they say? Yeah… Let's just say I didn't gain any favors for being 'the youngest'. Everyone tried to get me to do shit. It was annoying, but after a year of refusing apparently enough adults had told their kids to stay away from me that I was generally left alone from that rule… Bastards still made me last in line for lunch with the whole 'My family name starts with a A so I go first!'. Bastards… But when your seven something you learn to deal with it against a bunch of larger eight year olds… I was a short little bastard...

I sat on my swing, contemplating life, smellin' the smell of sunshine on dusty ground and the gentle heat despite the swing being under a shade tree. There was the sound of bugs, hissing, chirping, cicadas and shit buzzing quietly while I swung. Lots of bugs I never would have figured could live in the same place. Blue sky, no clouds. The soft creaks and squeaks of the rope holding the whole thing together sounding when I swung. The rush of cool air against my skin as I pumped my legs to go higher. The smell of leaves coming into my nostrils as I came close to being able to touch them.

I like swinging high. Always have. Don't like heights though. More like a fear of falling I guess? I once did a ropes course for… something… shit, why can't I remember? Anyways, I did this Army ropes course, scared the living shit outta me. Thirty feet up on a tight rope with nothing to hold onto but the harness you hope to God is situated around your crotch right because if not good bye to you nut sack if you fall? Making fun of the other guys as they nearly shit themselves doing the same thing? That's the life.

That's the life I left behind…

Despite the sunny weather I was feeling all melancholy like. Why did I die and come here? I mean, being Naruto was fine, but it wasn't _me_, ya know? I was an outdoorsy kid once upon a time. Must have spent hours playing in the woods outside my house, hiking up to the swamp to catch frogs, my buddy one time shot and killed a muskrat in that swamp too bad I can't remember his name or face. Just that it happened… I remember being super into climbing trees despite my mom saying we didn't have Medicare that month… shit like that you know? But most of that shit was gone. Lost. Stupid drugs babies are on messed with my head. Made me not remember the important shit.

Like my name. What my mother's face looked like. If I had a family. If we were close. If my old man was around or not. Shit that is just so instinctual that you take it for granted… All of that gone.

Right now I was Naruto Uzumaki. I have no idea what my anime mom's face looked like. I have no family. They died long before I was born apparently. My old man might still be around, leave it to anime characters to have shitty dads, not holding my breath for that though… but that was all I knew. Did my anime mom even… why would she agree to let me be the container to the fox? Did she even… you know... love me? If not then I feel bad for Naruto... I just...

No depressing thoughts. I opened my eyes further and just focused on swinging. Trying to love this beautiful day.

I pumped my legs a little slower, slowly allowing inertia to leave and directing me away from the tree trunk. Whacked my tail bone on that son of a bitch earlier… don't wanna repeat of that… It was from that vantage point I saw something. The boys recess was almost done. Recess being one of the few classes I didn't feel like banging my head into my desk. I didn't remember my name, but I did remember my damn times tables. Thanks whoever my second grade teacher was! I was learning shit though. I could now speak and read Japanese or some shit like I was born into it… yeah I know…

We had a recess of about an hour before we were allowed back in. Piss-bandit, aka Snicklefritz… what was his name again? The dog kid… he was messin around declaring he was gonna be Hokage on day and take over the world. Fat kid and Ponytail were chillin', Sasuke aka Duck butt was brooding over by the slide, and about ten other retards were goofing off like the kids they were. The girls on the other hand had a special class today and were spending recess picking flowers and making bouquets.

Yeah… I don't get it either…

Anyways they actually weren't that far away, and I noticed one of the chicks was pickin' on the one chick I did remember the name of...

Sakura.

See I remember some people like Sasuke and Sakura, Kakashi, Rock Lee, Orochimaru, Gaara, and… um… Look after the Chunin exams are kinda fuzzy… I think I remember I have to fight Sasuke but honestly I don't care. I have Papa Nuke sitting in my guts. It'll take a lot more to take _him_ out at least than whatever Sasuke could do… I think… I remember he was supposed to be like way the hell stronger than Naruto in Shippuden… Whatever… I'll figure that out when it comes.

So I am up high in my swing when I notice one chick picking on Sakura and my mind just goes blank. Suddenly I leapt off the swing. I was running. Sakura looked up at me in alarm as I cocked my fist back and slammed it into the other girl's face. She of course went down and started crying. The teacher ran up to me and consoled the little girl while she screamed her head off and I was sent to the principal's office.

Sitting there I kept wondering why I did that, like I was supposed to, and I came to a single conclusion. I was retarded. I blame the drugs. Either the ones I OD'd on or the ones I was on all my infancy. Babies are into some messed up shit, lemme tell ya. I was also, ya know… like… seven or eight… That had to count for something right? Nope!

I was a grown ass twenty something! In my past life I was like, totally non-violent! Kinda… Mess with my car, my lunch, or my girl, and I _will_ break you…

Anyways, I ended up not only saying sorry to the little girl, bitch still kinda deserved that punch but whatever, and I had to do some laps around the school as some kind of corporal punishment. I didn't care though. I wasn't some 'too tired from my ten hour shift and just wanna beer' adult anymore. I was a skinny, scrawny kid who probably had some kind of ADD shit going on. Seriously! I have never had so much of time staying still as I did when I was this kid…

So I do my damn laps, watched over by Iruka-Sensei, and walked over to the water fountain, tired and sweaty from running around the school so many times when it was a hundred something odd degrees outside. I get to drinking some water. It is blessedly cold. I can taste the metal used for the pipes… Copper. Bronze? No… lighter, slightly less tangy… maybe… slightly corroded, zinc plate? Kinda the difference between a quarter in your mouth instead of a penny… Hmm… That's a bit weird… where was that coming from? Ah! Mouthpiece. Got it.

There was something else as well… earthier… sweeter almost… smell of a rusty pipe… Oh! Ground water with a high iron content! Cool… the academy has well water like my house did growing up. Sometimes the well got shook up during an earthquake and cause the water to come red or brick colored. You just hand to let it run a bit and it would go away and then you would have the sweetest most mineral filled water ever!

The academy water was sweetish, slightly rusty from the underground well, carried up in bronze piping and filtered into a suitably pitiful amount thanks to a zinc plated mouth guard… I frowned at that. Somethings never change with water fountains. Either they are so pitiful that you can't get anything substantial outta them or they just up and spray ya. There is no in between.

It was when I was thus enjoying the delicious water, angling my head at an awkward angle, to me at least, to get the arc of blessedly refreshing liquid and practically sucking on the mouthpiece in order to get as much water down my parched gullet, that I heard a small noise.

I paused and swallowed. There was shifting feet. Trying to sound quiet but my heart beat had calmed down enough I could actually hear minute noises in my ears again. I was positively dripping with sweat and when I turned I think I almost splashed them.

And there she was. Sakura. Tiny. Maybe seven or eight. Hard to tell with kids really. I stopped guessing and just straight up ask them after I mistook a fifteen year old for a ten year old one time. Sakura was... cute? I don't know, my balls haven't dropped again yet! She had bangs. They looked nice on her. Her forehead wasn't too big, and she had these eyes. Green eyes. Spring green, not emerald green, wide and slightly too big for her head. A healthy blush adorned her cheeks.

"Uh… hi?" I greeted without thinking. This was weird… what do I say to her? She's like… seven. Eight or nine max. Even I could tell that…

"Do-"

"Tha-"

Shit. We started talking at the same time! I just…

"So-"

"I-"

Argh! I paused and waited for her to say her piece. After she blushed, face turning red and fidgeting. A minute became two and… I just couldn't…

"Bye-"

"Wait!"

My eye twitched. We spoke at the same time again. Just this time we talked over each other. Fun Fact: Pet peeve of mine. Don't talk while I'm talking. It ruins my train of thought!

I grit my teeth and tried to smile. I really did… She was waiting for me to speak… Is she doing this on purpose or something?! I just-!

"Do you have something to say?" I grit out. Wow… that came out way harsher than I intended… whoops…

Sakura, who of course at this stage lacked any form of confidence, cowered a bit. Her bottom lip was trembling.

I sighed and did the first thing that came to my mind. Sakura flinched as my hand raised and placed it on the top of her head and gently ruffled her hair.

What? She was seven! Cute girls, little sister types, and the like will never be lewded! Head pats for all! Sakura looked at me with confusion and her face turned a brilliant shade of red. My hand dropped.

"Well… bye…" I said confused as to what just went down. Honestly, that _had_ to be the most awkward moment I had ever had in _both_ lives. I turned around and walked…well… anywhere but right there…

Unbeknownst to me Sakura stood there frozen, unable to move in sheer embarrassment before she booked it on home.

* * *

Let's see… some other important moments…

I have fallen asleep next to Ponytail in Iruka's class. He was actually pretty cool. Nap time in Japanese class is best nap time…

I ate ramen while pretending to 'study' with Chubby. He was no longer 'Fat boy' as soon as he offered me a bowl. I will now almost risk my life for this kid...

I got into at least one fight with Snicklefritz. He wasn't a bad kid. Just hyper. Kinda like me at that age. He is now 'Snicklefritz' or 'little bro' in my head now.

And to everyone's surprise, my favorite thing to do was just chilling with Sakura. We didn't talk much except when I helped her with math. I had gotten to Calculus and Statistics in College but then forgot most of it here. On the plus side I did get flashes of memory every now and again just not when I needed it.

"The Pythagorean theorem." I repeated as I drew a line in the dirt. " Every side of a right angle equals 'A' squared plus 'B' squared is equal to 'C' squared. Basically the length of one side will never be more than this side here."

I drew a triangle with a Right Angle and marked one side with the length of '5' and the other with the length of '10'. Then pointed at the unmarked side, the long one, and drew an X. "Now what is the length of this side?"

Sakura stared at me a few moments and then stared at the triangle brain working hard. I don't why though… They used the metric system, my one weakness having been raised in America, here in the elemental nations. But after a bit of getting used to them I was able to just go by fives.

"10 then… 10 times itself is 100. And then 5 meters… equals 25 meters." Sakura said doing mental gymnastics.

"Yep. Then times the two together and then divide it by itself." I said like it was simple. It wasn't.

Sakura looked up at me confused. "Are you sure this is the right way to do it?"

"25 plus 100 is 125. That is super easy because all you have to do is find a number that when times itself is equal to 125…so… here's what you do…" I said, brow crinkling as I then square root the total in the dirt to get the answer. To my surprise Sakura was keeping up.

"11.18033988749895…" Sakura's brow crinkled.

"Or 11 to simplify." I said. "which will equal 121 meters."

"You'd be 4 meters off…" Sakura said frowning.

"You wanna try doing this in your head while dodging kunai? This will still get me within the target range of an explosive note. 'Close enough' is only good when playing horseshoes or tossing hand grenades and we learn how to _make_ those next year."

Weirdest thing in the world really. Let's give a bunch of ten-year-old's the information to make explosives, breath fire, and use knives! What are we? A terrorist cult?

Why yes. Yes we are.

I learned that the Village systems are basically the Mafia if it had a gay mutant baby with a fascist military dictatorship run on terror and an overwhelming sense of national pride. We live by the cause, we die by the cause. Our benevolent military dictator has decreed however that the "cause" is the "Will of Fire".

I have a sketchy understanding at best, but it basically translates to… Live in such a way that your children can be proud and protect them. At least that is what I got out of listening to the old man speak… He was vague at best and downright confusing at worst… meaning the rule of thumb is "follow protocol or die horribly."

Fine by me. Who am I to question our benevolent dictator? A free soul put into a world of dictators who rule by fear. American remember? I don't do that shit if I can help it, and if I catch myself doing it too, I try to stop it. I wouldn't even be in the military if I wasn't basically conscripted at the tender age of six and forced to be a child soldier to bring glory to the cause.

Worse yet, I am an agent of sabotage, and trained to fight in hand to hand combat. Meaning I have been conditioned to shank first and ask questions later. They are lucky I am already mentally an adult, or I could be given the wrong idea if I had to put up with the way the village looks at me. They are all very lucky I am understanding, and that Naruto was a good guy. Else the second coming of Gaara would have been a thing.

Sakura was quiet at my words. "Do… we have to kill them?"

I felt a bit uncomfortable. This was supposed to be the part where I point her trust in our military dictator. He won't lead us astray! He will guide and protect us! He will make Konoha great again! No wait… that was Danzo… He's a thing here too… Shit…

I look away from her, those damning green eyes, and just sigh. "If you don't want to kill anyone don't join the active duty military. As soon as you put on the headband on you give up all right to make decisions like that. You do what you are told and act in the best interests of your village and nation. However, you also will share some of that blame. You can blame circumstances, you can blame leaders, you can blame the enemy, but it never changes the fact that shit happens, and you are the one left to deal with it. War is hell. We will be Genin in two years from now. Red Shirts. Expendable. Front Line Fighters.

"The Hokage fights from his office, with a nice cloister of ANBU because he is the one that calls the shots and can't afford to be killed in a ditch somewhere. But he is also our greatest fighter. Nobody can compete with him is strength or firepower and as such the Leaders tend to weaken in power the longer they have to sit behind a desk…

"Jonin are almost as bad. They become specialized. This is good for the village economy and politics, but bad for their survivability. They take a single skill and hone it to such a degree that they could teach it, but what this means is they need a few Chunin to take some of the brunt of the damage as a match between two Jonin with equal manpower roughly translates into a fifty-fifty coin toss.

"Chunin are glorified Genin. They just have the experience necessary to call shots for other Genin. There is no real difference in strength, but all the difference in experience. And between two Genin one can be nearly Jonin level and the other as useless as a civilian so these assholes don't even know what they are facing when they decide to fight each other. Front line. Rookies. Expendable."

I then look Sakura in the eyes. Eyes I never want to stare back at me cold, glassy and hollow. "So… if you are ever in a fight, ever in a situation where you are called upon to defend yourself or others, I don't care about things, FIGHT. Kill them. Do anything you have to, to survive..."

Sakura stared at me open mouthed. This wasn't what being a Genin was to her. Being a Genin was supposed to be taking on shitty missions like babysitting, farm work, picking sweet potatoes, and painting fences for old people.

Yeah… in peace time…

It was no secret that they were only doing this to keep their soldiers busy during the last ten years or so of peace. War could literally happen at any moment and when it did, Genin were back on the front lines… Children as young as eleven fighting and killing each other in the trenches...

It wasn't right, it wasn't pretty, and it scared the living shit out of me.

I was used to war on my planet. Some of it translated into what happened here, but the major difference was that we had guns, tanks, nukes. Here? Knives, Earth Style Jutsu, and Tailed Beasts like the Nine-tails. It was more personal and much, much more sinister. A soldier back home could be conditioned to shoot first and ask questions later. Here… they condition you to take human lives in close quarters, physically stab and beat an enemy into the dirt and then turn around and say that it was for the good of the village… It was messed up, but perhaps more genuine? At least you didn't feel like some kind of monster that just kills whatever pops up…

"Sakura… Sorry… I…" I looked down. "I just don't want to see you get hurt… If anything happened to you… I don't know what I would do…"

The little pink fluff ball had grown on me the last three years. Ever since I punched that one chick she has been attached at my hip. It was annoying at first but then I learned to tolerate her. Now… she was officially moving into 'little sister must protect' territory.

Sakura flushed at my words, either from embarrassment or anger.

Sakura had pride in her skills. She was strong in her own way, but from what I remember from the show? They'd eat her alive.

I still have nightmares sometimes just remembering that people like Sasori, Itachi, and Orochimaru are _out there_. That they can infiltrate the village at any time, and they were after the Nine-tails… rip it out of me like I watched them do to Gaara ten or so years back from the safety of my laptop watching Shippuden.

Hence why against my better and more moral judgment I am putting up with the military dictatorship shit… but that doesn't mean that 'little sister must protect' Sakura needs to put up with that. I don't care if I thought she was annoying in the show, she is actually not too bad… she is even sorta… nice…

I don't want to see a, dare I say, friend die on me like that…

"Then I better make sure I'm accurate." Sakura said evenly looking back down at the bad math we did. "Explosive notes would be more effective thrown accurately no?"

I smiled deviously. "Damn straight!"

I was going to make sure Sakura survived this coming war zone. Even if I had to be the one to stand between her and someone like Orochimaru.

* * *

It was time. I was going to pass! I had to pass this test! I was going to survive this shit-hole of a world, I wasn't going to die again!

I slammed my hands together and formed hand seals I had memorized many times. "Clone Jutsu."

There was that rush of icy hot electricity that ran through me and… I did it?! Five clones. None of them imperfect. Iruka Sensei looked pleased and Mizuki looked dumbfounded. What? Did they think I was dumb or something? Nah. I helped Sakura with math and science, those two being my favorite subjects anyways, seriously it was like re-watching Magic School Bus and Bill Nye the Science Guy as a kid, I loved it.

And in exchange Sakura helped me with Chakra control. Sounds stupid I know, with all these amazing things like math and science how can I _possibly_ be interested in _literal magic_?

…

That was sarcasm. Teach me _all_ the magics!

So, when I heard 'chakra control' was essential for like fifty percent of the 'magic', I bugged Sakura until she taught me everything she knew about it.

Also Iruka sensei…

And Mizuki sensei…

And all the other sensei...

I _needed_ it.

They were happy to help me learn but were wary. For some reason, even though I never did half the shit Naruto did, punk-ass little bastard, they still treated me like I had. Weird…

Anyways I got some help but like Naruto in the original I sucked at it. I never had chakra before so there were several mental blocks in making it work let alone controlling it. Then it was like trying to wiggle just your nose. Without wiggling your ears or eyebrows.

Go ahead. Try it.

Sakura is amazing at that shit. It is also literally the cutest thing I had ever seen. I did the usual challenges to amuse younger audiences. 'I bet that you can't put your fingers like this', 'I bet you can't twiddle your thumbs in opposite directions' and 'I bet you can't hold a handstand'.

The last one I felt kinda stupid about. Ninja were all about handstands and backflips and shit like that…

Sakura was awesome at that. I was still getting used to the _idea_ that my body could even _do_ this shit, and Sakura could do rub her head and pat her tummy at the same time while doing Trigonometry…

So me making five clones with no imperfections? That was awesome! I could almost control the amount of chakra! See, I had this problem with putting too little in a jutsu, and of course mental focus. As you may have guessed I kinda have some attention issues. Chakra control takes focus plus fine control and some imagination. I have the last one down pat but the other two? Forget it.

"Good work Naruto!" Iruka said congratulating me. "Now the other two! I hear you have some inventiveness with the substitution and the transformation jutsus. Show us what you can do!"

I nodded. So far so good… carefully portion out the right amount, control, imagination, hand signs…

"Transformation Jutsu!" I declared before slamming my hands into the last seal of the Transformation Jutsu, arguably my best one. My body emitted smoke and-

I hissed.

Iruka yelped in surprise while Mizuki looked like he had come face to face suddenly, with… well me.

Before the two of them was a Xenomorph from the Alien franchise. I shifted and made a loud, ear splitting Xenomorph scream and extended the 'second mouth' on the beasty. Every sinew and wrinkle was perfect on the nine foot tall Alien. This jutsu was my baby. My patented "Scary Jutsu".

I stalked over, using the cover of the illusion to make hand signs and I shifted the illusion to compensate my next transformation. Iruka leapt again as the 'Alien' transitioned into 'Pennywise' from 1981's 'It', sharp teeth and all. 'Pennywise' made hand signs, as I prepared my finisher.

"Monster Parade! Dance of a Thousand Demons!" I giggled in the eldritch clown's voice, watching Mizuki and Iruka's faces.

I said I had a problem with my Clone jutsu. This was me exploiting said problem. I tended to use either too little or too much chakra. This was me 'showing off' what little chakra control I did have. I was pretty good at syphoning off a portion and keep up that portion for chains of jutsu… not so good at the whole 'now hold this jutsu' thing. Bigger usually meant easier for me to hold and for some reason, control… That and I have literally been practicing this move for the last two years since they showed us the possibilities with this jutsu…

A single clone of 'Pennywise' stalked in front of me smiling at them, when then, while still maintaining the clone looking like Pennywise I transformed into Jason from Friday the 13th, then another clone, pass and I kept transforming, cloning and making a distraction until the room was filled with thirty clones from different franchises.

I had everything from 'Freddy Krueger' from 'Nightmare on Elm Street' to freaking 'Darth Maul' from 'Star Wars'. I wanted to do the Rancor, but it was too much _work_…

Apparently I needed to be roughly the same size. No more than say… twice my height and girth? That or you just lose control of the Transformation and risk a whole host of problems when using it. '_Clipping'_ or the illusion passing through physical objects that they aren't supposed to, kinda like in a bad video game. Then there was '_Shading'_. The illusion didn't really have a proper shadow, same with the clone to be honest but the clone at least could make it appear that there was a shadow if you bothered to do it right. Face a light source and try not to make it an oversaturated mess as light filters through the smoke and chakra used to make the jutsu work.

Simple right? No. See this is where the '_imagination'_ part comes in. Ninja _have_ to have the mind of a freaking _artist_ to pull off even a halfway decent clone and even then factors like '_Lighting'_, '_Misdirection'_, '_Placement'_, and '_Motion'_ all play a key role in making either of these jutsu work. And if you do it right… you have yourself a distraction… if you yourself can keep from being distracted. It's all focus see…

Soon all of my lovelies were standing before my sensei. All perfect, all smiling, or something close to it, at my professors and ready for me to give the signal. Then with a deep breath and a single hand sign, I made them all swarm my 'opponents' Iruka and Mizuki sensei, while I performed the Substitution jutsu to replace myself with a potted plant in the corner. I then transformed the potted plant to look like me while I transform into the potted plant. At the same time.

It sounds complicated, but it is pretty basic compared to the shit Sakura pulls. That girl can make Michael Myers from 'Halloween' move perfectly! _Just_ the right amount of terrifying _slowness_ but with that eerie unstoppable gait of a dead man walking. Even better she could do this sort of shit with Haze Clones. Ones that are still immaterial like the regular Clone Jutsu, but they don't burst when you hit them, making them perfect for ghosts characters.

I can only make one Haze Clone work properly. The 'Clipping' can't cause the jutsu to fail and the clone needs to be used in a shadowed location because holding onto a mental image that long is hard okay? It takes a certain amount of skill to have a solid, 'show ready' monster in your head, the more realistic the better, and then keep it up in perfect detail. Shadows help hide the imperfections…

Anyway. Back to watching Mizuki piss himself. Damn I love messing with that man… The guy was just so… fake. I loved toying with him and watching the little slips he would have. I personally helped develop his eye twitch… and I am okay with that!

But that Haze Clone right? I can only make without unintentional clipping, shit like phasing into the floor and walking up a set of stairs, so… I had one follow him home on night transformed to look like a Sadako from 'the Ring', but I think he noticed me early. He found me pretty quick, but to my surprise he seemed rather pleased with my contribution to the ninja world. I don't remember him from the series too well. Maybe he was a guy that died when Gaara and Orochimaru decided to team up? Meh… it probably doesn't matter… Cool thing was he taught me two jutsu in exchange for the method behind the one I came up with. Not jutsu per say but some pointers on how to stay hidden and then scare people.

He taught me how to use the 'Killing Intent' and how to use the 'Invisibility' jutsu which allowed me to 'compress' my chakra until I'm ready to jump out at them. While I can't really do jutsu too well, I am supposed to be immune to sensor types when using it and it really helped with my chakra control.

I also used it to freak Sakura out once by jumping out at her. She slapped me. I kinda deserved it… Since then I have the developed the accidental habit of just 'appearing' behind people. I guess it can be seen as off putting and it is not like I do it on purpose, but it gives me a bit of a rise when people like Sasuke, Shino, and Hinata don't see or hear me coming. I even got Snicklefritz once…

Killing Intent was the opposite, it was all about 'projecting' your chakra out and making your presence know. I have problems with this one. I'm… not a 'loud' person. Talking above normal conversations tones makes me uncomfortable and I usually prefer to speak in even softer tones. I still have Naruto's voice though, so it unintentionally comes out more as a rasp like Gaara's. I swear I didn't do that on purpose…

Also I won't even have Gaara's deep timber that he is able to project. Call him what you will but the kid has a cool voice in the English dub. Japanese dub… eh… I feel like I can 'feel the sand' in the English dub. Japanese I confuse him for Naruto's or Sasuke's. Good voice just forgettable. But it is kinda like that with my own voice in that tone. If I project louder, I sound like… I don't know… Bakugo or something from 'My Hero Academia'.

Anyways… Not a loud person, so no Killing Intent usage really… I guess I just use it to make my presence more obvious more… known? Shino and Hinata have the same problem, mainly Shino though. Hinata, or Sunshine as I like to call her, is more of a ball of _nervous_ energy. Hinata feels more like someone going 'please don't notice me!' with their entire body language. Shino is more 'Sup brah?'.

So after a minute of them looking and talking to 'me' the potted plant, I kinda just wanted to 'show off' more and walked out door without saying anything.

* * *

"-So while your skill was undeniable we have to give you a lower grade because you didn't manage to pull off a Substitution juts-"

The Clone/Transformation over the potted plant popped and the so did the one in the corner. Iruka's face screwed up with rage while Mizuki began laughing.

"That little shit! When I get my hands on him I'll-!" Iruka started.

"Give him a headband because he _passed_!" Mizuki said still chuckling and wiping a tear from his eye. "That was the funniest thing I think I have ever seen! There he is, scaring us and then when you are congratulating him he leaves a clone over his substitution and walks away while compressing his chakra… hehehe… That was awesome. I give the kid props for the skill level and the sheer audacity…"

Iruka grit his teeth. "He should still have listened to what we had to say. He is skilled but he had some problems with his 'presentation'. I saw some instances of clipping towards the end, the one with the burnt face and the clawed gloves was sinking into the floor a bit. Also he is lucky neither of us were trying to distract him. I doubt he could pull that off under pressure."

"I think he knew." Mizuki said smiling gently. "He knows you are a little too kind hearted under that gruff exterior, and that I love a good show of skill."

Iruka huffed.

"He certainly does nothing halfway… Fine. He passes. I got grades to work on and some reports to write, mind handing this to him?" Iruka said tossing Mizuki a head band before returning to his papers.

"Of course!" Mizuki said happily.

Iruka missed the way Mizuki's face screwed up with malice.

Everything was going according to plan. He hadn't expected him to actual pass but that was no matter. Iruka had just handed him a way to make Naruto think he actually failed...

* * *

So, I am having possibly one of the worst days ever… Sakura… she… doesn't want to be friends anymore…

Apparently I am not 'cool enough'. If that wasn't already a thing… she also said that she blames me for being the reason she has no friends outside of… well… me, Shino, and Hinata. The school weirdos. Hinata only really joined our circle of friends because she made friends with Sakura and I personally stalked Shino into being friends with me. I learned more about bugs and I got him into playing Magic. I recreated the freaking cards man! I even got Ponytail and Chubs to join occasionally…

Anyways… not cool enough. She wants to be with Sasuke, which I don't blame her for. She has had the most apparent crush on him for literal years and I as her best fri- her associate… could pick up that much at least. I just wish things were a little different. I get she needs to spread her wings some and I can be a little… okay a lot time consuming… and I'm a nerd… and kinda ADD… and just- Ya know what?! Screw it! If she wants to break off a friendship, fine! I am like thirty! I don't care… go! Go get the boy you like! Go get you some actual female friends rather than a bunch of stuffy nerds! Be _popular_! I don't care!

I don't…

Dammit! Why can't I stop worrying about her?!

Will she make friends? Sasuke is a hard-ass and really strong but… I'm not Naruto. I'm not some dead last or some clan born given a power up. I'm average. Slightly above actually but not by much. Sakura gets straight A's. She fights to do extra credit while I don't bother with it. She is amazing… Me? Not so much…

I'm only really good in Science and Math. Language Arts? Shoot me… P.E.? I'm decent but I am definitely not the strongest, fastest, or most skilled kid in the school. That'd be Sasuke… the guy Sakura has been crushing on. Again… not really blaming her. If I was in her shoes, female, and like eighteen years younger mentally, I might have a crush on him too. But I don't see 'pools of inky black nightshade' in his eyes as Sakura did.

I just see red flags and a really broken kid… and a kid who is basically my kid sister liking him…

I just hope Sakura knows what she is getting into with him… Sasuke doesn't talk about it and the Hokage kept the true details a secret but the Massacre was one of the darkest days in Konoha history. The kid's entire clan was wiped out mysteriously and every attempt at getting more answers was met with silence, both from Sasuke and the Hokage.

I can't even imagine what he went through. I knew a guy that had his favorite aunt and uncle murdered in my past life. He was really… off. He was nice-ish, but like Sasuke he didn't understand that his words or actions could hurt others. As such he tended to be a bit… mean… When asked about it he just didn't understand what I was talking about. Then there is any time his family is brought up and oh boy…

Sasuke is kinda like that…

I've been around people that had PTSD before. I had been interested in helping someone who had it, I think so anyway, but _dude_…

Sasuke literally checks off _all_ the criteria.

It was like someone had read the list of criteria to be diagnosed and just gave him _all_ of it when writing his character. He so obviously has PTSD that it is a wonder why he hasn't had any counseling or just out right therapy and medication. But on the plus side he has some pretty good shit here.

He has a support network, not a close one, but one there for him if he needs it. He gets exercise, menial work, and is forced into some semblance of normal social interaction with the academy. He is on the mend and it is pretty clear to see he is trying to put whatever it is that hurt him so badly behind him… I just wish I could remember what it was… I know Itachi is his brother and that he's evil but… weren't there like fifty evil Uchiha later in Shippuden? I know one of my buddies told me there was more and I was meaning to get back into the series but shit man…

It's probably some kind of 'Luke I'm your Father' thing where he finds out his brother is alive and evil. Yeah… I think I remember my buddy telling me something like that…

Anyways I am worried about Sakura and a little hurt she would rather not be associated with me to chase after some boy that will most likely break her heart and not even know he's doing it... She is like one of four friends I have that I actually want to protect… and even then… she's the only one that can understand half the shit I am able to rant about… She once listened to me tell her the plot of Star Wars and just let me nerd out… See, I'm really quiet but once you get me talking I tend to ramble.

In exchange she told me about her day. How her daddy worked too much and how she wished he would come home sooner. How her mom loved flowers but Sakura herself hated that she had to work for hours in a garden bed to make sure she had flowers to look at but loved the reaction her mom would have when the flower bed was just right. How her sewing projects were doing. How much she wanted a puppy, but their landlord wouldn't allow it.

I would listen to all of that, quietly. Occasionally channeling some wisdom I got from my past life to help her out. We were… friends. I didn't know why she would want to break off something like that… She was basically my best friend in this life… Kinda pathetic in a way, huh? Grown ass thirty something having a twinge of hurt feelings because a little girl didn't want to be his friend anymore.

It was a weird relationship at the very start… one really strange given my status as a reincarnate but it worked. But if she wanted to leave and spread her wings, who was I to stop her? I'd just sit back and worry some… especially in the climate we grew up in.

I was currently sitting down on top of the Hokage Monument on one of Lord Fourth's hair spikes. Not too close to the edge but far enough out that I can see everything and damn what a view. You could see for miles, all the tiny shops, the people running around looking like ants, the way the streetlights lit up at five pm sharp to light the street as the sun set… It was a pretty sight…

Too bad it was all a pile of shit…

I glowered at the town before me. As beautiful and as wonderful a few of the people were, this whole place was just a stinking pot of nepotism and greed… I personally watched the Red Light's District light up. Drug pushers, hookers, muggers and the rest began to come out like worms in a rainstorm… and the ninja of Konoha did nothing to stop it…

There were no cops. Just the ANBU and nobody could be everywhere. What was worse was that the statistic for murder in the village was less than 100,000 people and had a murder count of about 20 per year. That's just murder. Aggravated assault, rape, robbery… all those numbers are way higher… This town was a steaming cauldron of shit… And this was _peace time_.

My mind turned to Sakura again. She lived in a good neighborhood. That part of town had a much lower count but there was shit not spoken outside closed doors. Hinata was supposed to be from a good part of town too and look what happened to her. I have never seen someone a more likely victim of emotional and psychological abuse… They tore down every decision she ever made, made her cross her words, twist them and made her seem like a bad guy. I watched it happen and tried to stop it once. I got sent to detention and then the Hokage's office for throwing a rock at her 'caretaker'. Bastard was trying to make her think she was at fault for something. All I knew was it wasn't right…

Afterwards I asked Sakura to make friends with Hinata and made the shy girl part of my little group of rejects. I would try to encourage her, build her up, try asking her opinion and shit but the damage was already done. Hinata had so little self-confidence in her actions because her father and her clan 'needed her to be strong'.

What I ended up doing was leaving her to Sakura. She was a bit shy as well but really nice. Hinata was comfortable with her and it made heart warm and hurt at the same time to see the two playing and Hinata's shy little crooked smile. Like she was almost afraid to have fun.

It still didn't help my anger towards her family though…

There's a good reason I chose the whole 'Monster' schtick to be my gimmick. I wanted them to remember who the real monster was, and though I could look like freaking Frankenstein I would be scaring the shit out of real monsters… the villagers themselves and the monsters in the government. Granted, they were under a military dictatorship and I know I can't change that but… I… I couldn't be Naruto.

Naruto would have been all inspiring and shit. He could smile and say 'Don't worry! I got this!'. He could make friends with anybody despite being a little shithead. He could've been Hokage and turned this shithole around in no time.

I smirked staring down at the city. He could look down on this city and see nothing but people he wanted to protect, people he wanted to look up to him. Me? I just see people. Dumb, scared, unaware sheep. They had no privacy because you think a literal shadow government would give anyone that luxury? They were fed the same stupid ideology and then forced to die for it. They children brainwashed at a young age to obey and their people cowed by the shinobi… and here I was… big ole Naruto with a nuke shoved up his ass and a conscripted soldier. I hated it.

I couldn't run away. People would hunt me. Either the village or the Akatsuki. I remember them or at least Kisame. Huge shark man with a sword. He was after me for a reason I don't really remember. I remember Gaara. Gaara being defeated. Then him having the chakra sucked out of him…

I shivered. That could happen to me… Orochimaru was a thing here too. Maybe the village wasn't so bad…

NO! Screw that noise! I will not trade my freedom for safety! I refuse! I'll pull a Sasuke if they even try to control me.

But what happens when the Akatsuki come for me afterwards? What then? All alone, no friends… What was I supposed to do? Scare them? No… Orochimaru would probably think I was being funny… No… I had to sit this through… Nod my head, yes sir, no sir, that sorta shit. They also still controlled all the people I actually cared about…

Sakura flashed again in my minds eye. She was a sweet little girl. She hadn't even had her thirteenth birthday and she was going to be up against monsters like Orochimaru in the chunin exams. She'd be fighting Sasori in what? Two years? That was insane… I was so scared I could barely sleep most nights. She was a child soldier, and with me on her team she would have a front row seat to the front lines.

So I did what I always did… escaped into fantasy. I could become someone I thought was meaner, scarier than any one of them. I could pretend to give a shit about people who were all just some cartoon in my world… I could forget I was supposed to be Naruto Uzumaki. The MC of this story…

My hands clenched into fists. I wasn't going to die here. I wasn't going to see Sakura, Hinata, Shino, and even Chubby, Ponytail, or 'little bro' Kiba die here… hell even Blondie… They were my kids. And I was gonna protect them with everything I had. Even if I have to be the monster. I'll be the monster I have to, to protect them…

I made a single goal that night in the light of the setting sun. I was going to be the damn Hokage. I was going to take over this world and revolutionize it. I was going to make this world pay for screwing with me…

And have fun while doing it.

I smirked and walked away from the edge. Yeah. I can always escape to fantasy, and then make fantasy a reality because I got chakra bitches!

"Hey, Naruto!" a voice said as I walked down the stairs leading back to the village. Did you know the Hokage monument had stairs? I always thought you had to, you know… ninja your way up… People stick to walls and shit like their freaking Spider-Man here…

Behind me was, to my surprise, Mizuki. Still can't remember what this guy was about. I know he was important or something but…

"Sup?" I asked. Mizuki frowned seeing me, but quickly put up that phony ass smile of his.

"I thought I would find you here! You still upset about the test?" Mizuki asked to my confusion.

"I thought I did the jutsu." I was confused as all hell. Didn't I pass?

"You did… but you left the test. You failed because you never got your headband or received the verification of the official." Mizuki explained. He sounded like he was lying his ass off but then again he was a teacher…

"Ah shit…" I cursed. "Eh… next year it is then. I can probably pass if I just stay for the full test…"

"That's not possible." Mizuki said smiling. "You get one chance. If you are going to be a ninja you just failed your one and only shot."

I gave him my most unimpressed look. I housed Papa Nuke. I was probably going to get a retest. I didn't care though. I had a straight shot to seeing the Hokage himself if I just asked nicely to see him. Was Mizuki stupid or something?

"Look buddy," I said sticking my hands in my pockets and walking up to him. "You think I give a shit about that? Like rank is something I care about? I am a ninja of Konoha. If fighting starts then I am fighting them too. We both know that it is a bad idea to not let me do my thing if and when the time comes."

Mizuki paled considerably at that. "Y-you know about the-"

"Giant ass fox shoved into my guts? Yeah. I'm chill with it. He ain't bothering me none and I won't bother him unless some serious shit crops up." I said with narrowed eyes. "I get it if you hate me because of him. That's fine with me. You do your thing. Mess with me or my shit or my friends or even look at me funny though…"

I trailed off intentionally, letting him guess what I'd do. "…I also know there is a giant ass shadow government out there listening to our every word. They are ninja. It's kinda their job. The Hokage, Danzo… anyone could have guys here. So… you really wanna cause a scene spouting off that info?"

Mizuki's eyes darted around nervously. "N-no…"

"Good. No budge over, I need to take a piss… I'll talk with the Hokage about getting a retest but either way I won't stop protecting this shit hole." I said. Mizuki stared at me as I went back up the stairs towards the trees.

I frowned as I let out my little buddy and took a whiz. I… didn't mean to intimidate him… I was still running off piss and vinegar from my little mental rant and then Mizuki comes in with that bomb…

Shit… but _seriously_ though? If what he was saying was true then I just royally screwed up by trying to act cool and shit! Just… _dammit_! How the hell was I supposed to protect my precious people now?!

Now I had to deal with not being in the loop! Eh… what the hell? Everything would be fine anyways. It had to be. I'm pretty sure nothing besides maybe Zabuza would be different if I stayed out of the whole ninja thing and if I remember that correctly, which I don't, Kakashi totally had that covered…

I was just zipping up when I heard Mizuki book it up the stairs. He untied his own headband and tossed it to me. I caught it easily, because… you know… I'm kinda a ninja…

"That was… just a test… you passed." Mizuki panted heavily, having just sprinted up the stairs as fast as he could. "You have… what it takes… to be… a ninja…"

I stared at the headband in my hand.

Seriously? That was it? Huh… As I tied it on I finally remembered Mizuki. He was that bastard that ratted the secret out on my being a Jinchuriki and tried to steal the Forbidden Scroll! He also like, shanked Iruka in the face! Damn! How did I forget that!? I stared at the man before me wondering what to do.

He hasn't _done_ anything yet. Maybe tried to trick me but still… On the other hand the dude was still totally evil, power hungry, and kinda a lame villain. Who knows? Maybe he will become a good guy?

That dominated my thoughts until I got home and was laying in my own bet. Then another unwittingly settles in my mind.

I just officially joined a military and am their nuke…

_Shit_.

* * *

Later that night Mizuki stared at the headband he was supposed to give Naruto. He had ended up giving Naruto his own.

This one was new, never having been worn, never having been splashed with the blood of his comrades like his was… Uncomfortable thoughts filled his mind.

Mizuki had killed someone in cold blood… All because they couldn't keep up with the mission…

Mizuki thought about it. Why _did_ he kill him? Yes, a broken leg would have slowed the team down and they were supposed to retrieve an important document that would jeopardize the safety of the mission, but why did he even hide that? Why hide that he killed someone? His own comrade died at his hands for the village. That was the point! Then he was contacted by Orochimaru promising him power all in exchange for the scroll of sealing… In hindsight it was an idiotic decision…

Was being an academy instructor so important to him that he would just not tell the truth? What was he afraid of? Orochimaru?

Yes. He was totally terrified of the man.

But he feared Danzo and the Hokage more.

Mizuki glanced over to the beautiful woman sleeping in his bed. She was to be his fiancé. He would have given up someone like her for what? Power? Maybe…

Mizuki came to an uncomfortable decision. He was going to tell the truth and accept the consequences… and perhaps he could say Naruto convinced him to reduce the sentence…

* * *

I sat outside on the rood of the Hokage's office. The sun was bright as hell and there was a sweltering heat. But worse than that it was humid. Humidity just made everything _so_ much worse.

"Just take the damn picture!" I barked at the photographer. I seriously don't know why it takes him thirty minutes to do a single shot!

"Fine! But don't blame me!" The picture guy said and set off the flash.

"Ah shit! I think I blinked!" I yelped rubbing my eyes. "And why the hell did you need a flash anyway? It's like a million degrees outside and it's bright out!"

"Quit yer bitchin! I took the picture! Now go! Skedaddle!" the photographer said as the picture developed.

The man just looked at me with a tired and kinda far away expression as I walked away. He had taken the damn picture, now it was time for some lunch!

Unbeknownst to me the cameraman just shook his head staring at the kid's picture. The kid's hair was long, blond, and spikey. What drew him to the picture however was the piercing blue eyes. They were slightly narrowed because of the sun and there was a way his mouth tried to set as he attempted to smile for the camera. It was all so familiar…

The cameraman snorted.

"That kid… son of the Flash… Nah! Probably just some Yamanaka bastard with way too much time on their hands! To make every hair stand up like that! Must've taken the poor bastard hours… Kids these days! Last year it was a Hyuuga trying to look like the First Lord and now a Yamanaka trying to look like the Fourth! Then there was that one brat with hair buns like Lady Mito and another one looking like Guy's clone… Eh… at least they almost pulled it off…" The camera man said packing up his things. This was the last picture for today. Time for a smoke break and maybe some lunch.

People were weird.

* * *

**A/N: Before you ask, yes. The amnesia, the lack of Japanese societal norms, and even the run on sentences are all deliberate. Let me know if you want me to continue! Please follow, favorite, and review!**


	2. Chapter 2: I sell my soul to Furry Satan

**Chapter 2: I sell my soul to Furry Satan and get super powers...**

* * *

**A/N: Wow… you guys are pretty cool! Shout out to Mari (Guest) for being the first to review! I will do my best! This chapter is dedicated to your review! Also still working on several other stories so updates may be sporadic! Thanks!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: This is written from my very ADD perspective. I will try to tone it down this chapter but… again writing from a 'Chad' perspective. **

* * *

Hey…

…

Before you go off on me I just wanna clear something up.

I was minding my own business… I really was…

At that moment I was facing down an angry Jonin in a game of chicken with nothing but a knife, the Hokage's grandson, an S-rank jutsu, and a gut feeling. Oh… I think I still had half a pulled pork sandwich but that's besides the point…

I can't make this shit up. Sometimes life is really that crazy.

Okay…

Here's what happened…

* * *

Sakura was… not eager to see Naruto again…

The day was chilly as the summer months would give way into fall. Their three month long break after becoming Genin was to give Clans the opportunity to test and train their young, many of which had built traditions around graduation and the learning of their specialized techniques.

She knew that he would be there for team placement, even though there were some rumors that said he had failed the test, Sakura, who had seen him first hand and knew what he was capable of, knew this was next to impossible.

She just wished they had parted on better terms…

* * *

'_But you can't do that!' Sakura whined as Naruto completely took out her pieces. Shogi, supposed to help teach kids how to 'war', was encouraged in the academy as a game to play during free time. _

_Problem was they were not playing Shogi._

'_But I did. Now what'cha gonna do 'bout it?' Naruto said as he sunk her destroyer. _

_Battleship__, played on paper was easily a better game._

'_D-7!' Sakura called out viciously. Good, but keep a clear head. _

'_Hit.' Naruto said marking the hit on his carrier. 'A-1.'_

_Sakura slumped. 'H-hit… you win…'_

'_Ya nearly had me puttin' yer ships diagonally.' Naruto said. Sakura was also not above cheating by moving her pieces when she thought he wasn't looking. He did nothing to discourage this since he claimed he was playing a game that was supposed to simulate a 'war'. 'Nobody plays fair in a war.' He said. _

'_But you… you just kept them there! Also how come I was only able to fire one shot, but you were able to fire off three?!' Sakura said pointing at him._

_He winced. He was also a massive cheater…_

'_Because… reasons?' He smiled only to get slugged on the arm. 'Look war ain't always fair. As Genin we are going to be facin' opponents that are way stronger than us and-'_

'_But we won't!' Sakura said angrily standing up. He looked up at her. She had grown into a powerful ninja, but she was still thirteen and her emotions spilled over. 'We won't ever face these massive threats! We will be facing at most an angry cat! Maybe when we get to Chunin level they might have us fight other people, but even then we are not gonna be actively trying to murder each other! Humans are not that evil!'_

_He stared at her. 'Sakura what-'_

'_I am sick of this shit! You are acting like some crazy person that thinks the world is ending! My parents were Genin! During the war! They had none of this shit happen! None of the shit you keep talking about happened to them! They were in the reserves and they were fine! They even saw battle a few times and it was handled by Chunin and Jonin!' Sakura said shaking. He tried to open his mouth to speak but she cut him off._

'_I keep telling you this and you keep brushing me off!' Sakura said effectively brushing him off, knowing that if she kept talking he couldn't form a proper counter argument. It was just how he was... 'You think you are sooo cool because you think bad things are going to happen! You know what!? I _don't_ believe you! If you don't, stop I'm done! You're crazy! You spend all day coming up with ways to kill people! I'm going to become a Genin, serve my five year commitment and then leave! I'm gonna marry the boy of my dreams and we are going to have a wonderful little family!'_

'_Sakura… Sasuke ain't all that-' He started; Sakura turned white. He frowned. 'Sakura it was obvious…'_

_Sakura had tears of frustration in her eyes. _

'_I hate you.' She said running off._

* * *

Sakura glared at the road. The problem with that… was she had already changed herself to better fit Naruto's twisted world view. She didn't believe that there could be the things Naruto said could happen, but there was an unease coiled in her heart. People attacking and trying to kill her simply for wearing a headband with a different mark. Sakura felt a primal gnawing in her chest. This almost panic inducing unease that never left her in a safe place. Naruto obviously didn't mean for it to happen, but it was there. It was like everything was wrong but at the same time everything was fine.

Her mother and father would reassure her that there was nothing to fear. It was a time of peace. A time of faith in the system. The Hokage would strike down the evil in this world.

Just thinking of that kind of world was… making her feel things she shouldn't.

Like there was anything besides what the Hokage described. Sakura kept walking. The Will of Fire stated that her top priority be to help the ninja world by making the village great and by sharing what was learned with the next generation… but Naruto…

The things he spoke of terrified her. Is this really the future she wanted?

Did she have a choice?

Sakura shook her head and took a deep breath. She would fight and die for this village with honor if that ever came. Naruto was a fool for questioning his place in the village. Questioning the Hokage. She was right for breaking off her friendship with him.

While… Sakura's heart clenched.

* * *

While he was her first friend he was also a bad influence. He would turn the world on its ear one day.

Sakura kept walking. She had an assignment to get to…

_A young blonde boy ruffled her hair awkwardly and smiling gently. A young neglected girl finally receiving praise. Not for anything she did or didn't do. She didn't need to 'earn' it. Didn't want anything in return. She was a person to him and she-_

Sakura ran.

* * *

Staring.

Just look ahead. Don't make eye contact. Don't let the looks get to you…

Shit…

Just… just be someone else…

That's it… easy now.

I turn down a corner and unseal my bag.

Just be… someone else…

* * *

Hitomi was at the grocery store. She was a middle aged woman with soft brown hair, slightly drooping eyes and a kindly smile. She was currently trying to find groceries for her three children at home. Had to get the best deals on discount and buy enough for a while. Her husband was an office worker who was constantly changing jobs, but he was always going on about how lucky he was.

She walked with a slight limp. She had bad knees. Probably due to herself being slightly overweight. She couldn't say no to those new fangled pastries from the continent… She was trying to lose the weight by getting her family to eat healthier, but she was still struggling to lose those last twenty pounds. She lamented the fact she would never get the body back she had at twenty…

Hitomi wandered over to the magazine section and paged through the knitting section reading about the new patterns and eventually checked out.

Wandering back to the apartment Hitomi sighed. She missed her husband. Her children were getting older and her youngest was thinking about joining the academy despite her reservations.

Yes. Hitomi was a normal woman with normal problems. Turning down the corner to her home 'Hitomi' disappeared in a puff of smoke and I was allowed to be myself once more. I checked over Hitomi's groceries. Should be enough to last me a while…

In case you were wondering, yes, I really get in character. Ever since I learned the Transformation jutsu it has easily become my most well used jutsu. I can do it in a single hand sign and with a lot more skill than most anyone in my class. Nobody gets into character. It was sad. They were trying to teach kids to blend in and be spies when they couldn't even act! Acting was a big thing. Especially to a guy who had been a theater kid most of his life.

See, Sasuke can look the part of an older gentleman, can memorize certain tells, and information that the man would need to know, but he couldn't become Old Man Kintaro. He didn't study how a carpenter's hands look to get the callouses right. The slight gleam, or lack thereof, when talking about his trade. He couldn't spit the breeze with the other old codgers talking about the price of rice going up, or remember the slight scent of old man body odor and dollar store cologne of a man too old to give a shit or had lost his sense of smell years ago. The slight tells that made Old Man Kintaro… himself…

Today I was going to have a chicken sandwich. Those bread crumbs were not going to make 'sweet potato tempura' that Hitomi was planning on using them for. Oh no… it was going to be used in some good ole American cooking! Lettuce, tomatoes, fried chicken. American fried chicken. I was even planning on somehow, some way making ketchup. Yet another treat I had lost…

Peanut butter, marshmallows, cheddar cheese, ketchup and root beer floats were all things I had dearly missed… I think I would actually kill for a jar of Skippy peanut butter and white Wonder Bread. You can find jelly just fine but peanut butter? Hell no. Closest thing I found was Pad Thai peanut sauce… Blech… What I wouldn't give for an actual peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Hell I'll take a grilled cheese! Also… Nachos. They don't have jalapeños here! Or sour cream! Or even cumin to make taco spice! What I wouldn't give even for a shred of Mexican food! Enchiladas, Chile Verde, Chile Rancheros, hell even Tex-mex would be heavenly! I've gone twelve years without a taco, and I don't think that is healthy!

I was thus dreaming of cultured perfection when I was interrupted by a Genin running errands. Wait… is that Tenten?

She turned to me seriously. "Message: The Hokage would like to speak with you. Please come as soon as possible. End Message."

I nod. You know when in the show when the Hokage says summon a ninja to their office? Well… that's exactly how it happens, either that or the birds. More specifically messenger hawks with a specific number of stripes on their wings. As I fished out my wallet to tip her I remembered my groceries.

"Shit… Do me a favor and take these home for me?" I ask indicating to the armful of groceries. Tenten nods.

"Name and location?" Tenten asked.

"Naruto Uzumaki, the brown apartment complex on the top east side balcony facing the Monument. Tack it on to the mission pay…" I said handing her the groceries and fishing out my wallet. Well purse in this case. As I said before, I get really into character.

Tenten looks pointedly at said purse… I sigh. "No I didn't steal it. It was for a Transformation. I like being incognito when I shop, and I get really in character. Now ya want the tip or not?"

Tenten smiles when I hand her a One Thousand note. Best estimate about ten bucks tip for a twenty buck mission. "Thanks! Any perishables?"

"Yeah… just leave em on the balcony in the shade. Should be good for an hour at least…" I said putting the money I would need into my actual wallet and handing her the purse Hitomi had been using. Curious, Tenten peaked inside. Sending her a withering glare she sheepishly puts the bag over her shoulder and hops away. My food will be at my house in about five minutes give or take. Hitomi's cherry red lip gloss better not be missing this time… Tenten was a real doll, a peach… but I know kunoichi. All of em are chronic makeup klepto. Last three times I got one of em to do a mission for me, my lip gloss and mascara was suspiciously missing…

What?

Ugh… Fine! I'll explain.

Remember how I told ya that the crime rate was pretty bad?

Well… pickpockets.

If ya actually want to be anonymous, ya gotta give 'em the right shit to steal. If I am wandering around as Hitomi I carry the purse. If I am Old Man Kintaro I have a worn leather wallet and carry a wad of cash in my left breast pocket. If I am little Shinra, Hitomi's youngest, I usually have about six hundred ryo for lunch money or my allowance and a hat.

Details matter.

So, if I have a purse then I have to have what Hitomi would have in that purse. Basic make-up lip gloss and mascara, maybe a little foundation for those embarrassing break outs, some ID, tissues, some odds and ends like a spare hair scrunchy, a paper clip, some receipts and a small amount of change at the bottom of the bag with some crumbs from something. Old Man Kintaro has a faded picture of his wife, which was honestly a cut out of an old magazine that I had aged and retrofitted, some coupons, a gambling ticket, a library card and a spare key he honestly can't remember what it goes to. It was just the basics. Stuff people don't really think about but if checked I could provide.

And yes I can apply said make up! I also have Tomoyo, Ryo and Nagisa to be! Two of them are females between the ages of twenty and fifteen. They not only know how to apply make up but how to look good in it! Or at least they think they do. Ryo is still new to wearing makeup, so she occasionally smudges the eyeliner around the corners. She was a shy and introverted child…

I end up walking down the street as shy little Ryo. Backup wallet/purse ready and quick scent change from '_Slightly greasy from working in the kitchen to prepare for my children coming home from school, low income housewife on a grocery run_' to '_Apple/cherry blossom my friend gave me to try, do you think it smells nice? I hope so and I am so nervous because I didn't shower after helping mom out in the kitchen! Eeep!_'.

This is done with a quick spritz of the right scent and a slight chemical blocker. My gait changes to the longer legs of a sixteen year old girl and I ignore the discomfort of walking like you don't actually have something between your legs. I do my slight nervous ticks for Ryo. Biting my lower lip, wiping my long hair away from my eyes, tugging on my skirt and checking to see if my bra strap moved and added a slight bounce to my step to add the nervous energy Ryo would have walking up the Hokage's office.

'Ryo' was here to place a mission and would excuse herself to the bathroom, nervously glancing around before disappearing on the way there. She would be back in a few minutes as she got lost trying to find the room after having to wait outside since she thought there was someone in there, but it turned out that it was empty the whole time.

I sighed as I changed my scent again. It was a habit at this point. I now smelt like 'Trying the new dandruff shampoo, low income, kinda tired, whaddaya want?'

It was a subtle art… One I spent many hours trying to get exactly right. I was a Jinchuriki. My identity and what I contained was supposed to be a secret and I intended to keep it that way. The extra work I had to put into it, the make-up, the scent blockers and the slight odor changes, all of that was to keep Papa Nuke safe from the bad guys.

And to keep the damn stares from off my back… bastards… My high school years as that weird theater kid that also liked science and math and had a background in outdoorsy shit helped to…

I entered the Hokage's office with a slight knock. He glanced up from his paper work, pipe in his mouth and smoking like a chimney. I slip into my most well used roll. Naruto Uzumaki, the slightly jaded yet still loyal preteen with a wild imagination and a hero complex… It was mostly true… He didn't know what I actually thought of the village nor did he know that I planned on becoming Hokage just so I could run the village better than him. At least I think so… To him I am still this lonely child who just wants people to acknowledge him and to make the world a better place.

The best way to hide a lie was with truth.

I am lonely. I have nobody in my 'age group' who is my mental equal and nobody my mental age that will actually take me seriously. In a world that has so many contradictions it is a challenge. We are ninja but we are also soldiers. Seen yet unseen. We have the technological capacity to create shuriken launchers, wooden battle puppets, and televisions yet haven't figured out the gun, airplane, or car… There is a 'japanese' vibe to everything, yet there are some things that are so stereotypically American or European in nature that it is almost laughable. For example tomatoes, chocolate, and pastries. Even volleyball. Chairs, tables, beds… some of it is pure Japanese however I don't remember upright chairs, tables built for those chairs, and four post beds being traditional Japanese interior design.

The Hokage is at a desk… in an upright chair… smoking tobacco… a traditionally American plant, just ask the Natives… maybe it is like the sweet potato thing but with a whole bunch of other things? Ideas even? I find myself subconsciously judging the structure of this world… If you are going to have a Japanese setting then make the setting Japanese. I can grab a donut, a Texas donut to be exact, at a _bakery_ from a guy wearing a kimono like it is the most average thing in the world. The kid right behind me in line however was wearing a cotton spun t-shirt with plastic printing on the front… I love and hate this place…

I stroll up to the Kage like it is the most normal thing in the world.

"Sup." I said in classic American, respecting yet disrespecting authority. "Ya called me?"

The Hokage glanced up and checked the time. "Hmm… gonna need to give her a raise… Yes! I have a serious issue with your photo and seeing how you presented yourself in it."

"Shit… I blinked didn't I?" I asked wincing.

"No… much more serious than that. Although we would still need to re-take the photo if that were the case." The Hokage stated. "I am talking about the fact you chose not to wear your headband in the proper location."

"Eh?" I ask with utmost sophistication… man I'm an idiot… "Excuse my question, but doesn't Ino Yamanaka wear it around her waist? Also Hinata Hyuuga wears hers around her neck, a better spot if you ask me, and my… Ms. Haruno wear it like a headband to hold back her hair? Hell, Shikamaru wears it around his arm."

"Young Shikamaru also gets chewed out by his mother everyday for it. The fact is, is that we like our young men to wear their headbands on their heads. The way you, as our soldier, chose to display yourself is worrying and socially unacceptable." The Hokage stated. "There is also the fact you aren't wearing it now."

I wince again. "Ah… you caught me shopping. I was incognito at the time."

"Understandable…" The Hokage nodded but there was a serious glint in his eye. At that moment I could believe this old grandfatherly monkey man actually led armies and was the military dictator of a powerful nation of literal ninja… "However you are a special case. You need to be presentable at all times. Do you know what I am speaking of?"

"Nine-tails." I said softly. Inwardly I was panicking. I screwed up!

"And how did you come to find out you contain the Nine-tails?" The Hokage asked with more steel in his voice than ever. I repressed the urge to flinch. Shit he's scary!

"Um… I kinda… figured it out?" I said. The Hokage stared at me as if to prompt me to continue. "The staring okay! It was the staring!"

I told him how I felt walking down the street. Like something out of place, like there was something wrong with me.

"So I figured either my old man did something really bad or I was some kind of minority. Kinda like a someone from Lightning coming here." I said. Lightningers were cool. They were like the 'black people' of this world. I never thought I would see a black man in Asian land but there he had been. All smooth and cool like. Granted I was like three and my head was still trippy, but I still recognized it. He even gave me a fist bump! Sadly this was Asian land, and everyone was low-key racist anyway like everyone else, so he got stared at too…

The Hokage sighed and then looked at me with a mixture of familiarity, regret, and affection. "Sounds like you are rather insightful. Yes. You contain the Nine-tailed Fox. I had hoped you would not find out about it until you were older."

"Um… why?" I asked in sheer confusion. And before you ask! I know it is supposed to be some kind of 'chosen one that doesn't know the power they posses'. I get why the writer did that but that is not the reason the _Hokage_ did that. I know I am in an anime. Never forgot that part, but I also know that this is real. This is reality. I can and will die here. In this body. I'd rather it be later rather than sooner.

"I wanted you to have some small semblance of a normal childhood." The Hokage confided. "I wanted you to grow up without thinking of yourself as a living weapon…"

"Then you put me in ninja school." I stated. "I get it. I am a valuable commodity. Needs protection and all that but if you wanted that why not show me the village is something to protect?"

The Hokage looked up. I continued.

"I have seen this village and all it is. I know about a lot of the crime that happens in this town. It's actually kinda hard to miss. While I don't hate the village, I will admit I don't have the strongest of loves for it." I admitted. "But my friends live here. I'll protect them, and the other kids. We'll survive this place and make a better world… and if I have to make a whole new village, a whole new government, striking down the old and building a new one to do so, then I will. So until then… you don't have to worry so much about the village gramps. I'll help protect this place."

I watched the eyes of the Kage carefully. This was what I have been keeping from him after all. To my surprise he didn't seem angry I just bad mouthed the village. He seemed… tired. Really, really tired and… happy?

"May I tell you a story Naruto?" The Hokage said glancing up. I nod and watch as he gets up and looks out his window to see the village, taking a deep dreg of his pipe.

* * *

"Once the world was even worse than it was now. The average ninja never reached thirteen, let alone adulthood. My grandfather had my father when he was fourteen and then died leaving my grandmother a widow at the age of sixteen. Children… so many children… they died fighting for their clans and for what? A future they would never taste.

"My master, Tobirama Senju, grew up in this time… as did his beloved older brother Hashirama, the First Hokage, the God of Shinobi." The Hokage glanced at me before continuing. "Following the death of their brother Itama Senju Hashirama had grown bitter towards his own family. Together with his friend Madara they created the idea of a village. A home. A place where multiple families, multiple clans could live together in peace and actually watch their children grow old.

"To say that he struggled to fulfill his dream is the understatement of the century. He fought for every inch of this place. Defending them from invaders from all sides. Master Tobirama developed a jutsu specifically so he could be at his brother's side in an instant to support him in every fight after finishing battles with multiple S-rank opponents. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that the reason this place is so well forested is because the First Hokage bled from every pore and spilled it all over this place. Entire sections of the forest were destroyed and then… like a miracle… regrown overnight.

"Lord Hashirama… after the battles would regrow them and rebuild houses. He became the world's most accomplished medic healing everyone after every battle and keeping his forces alive, well stocked and well fed. Even when people began to praise him as a god for his works he was humble. Child-like and teachable and a man of good cheer. He was everyone's hero.

"His fatal flaw however was that he was a good friend. His friend, Madara, the one that helped him build their dream of the village, became disillusioned with the village. He saw what you do, crime, evil, and even betrayal of entire clans and thought, 'This is not what I dreamed for my children'. He attacked Hashirama multiple times because he saw his old friend as one who believed in a pipe dream. No one could have peace in this world of ninja and death and suffering.

"And Hashirama was a fool for believing in it still, but he endured. Praying that his old friend would change his mind until one day. But it was not to be.

"Madara declared that unless Hashirama came to fight him, he would destroy the village by pulling a star out of the sky and as a warning and proof he could he decimated the other hidden villages, either destroying their entire infrastructure by burning their crops like in the Land of Wind and or killing their first Kage like a wolf among sheep. Finally Hashirama, seeing the devastation his friend was causing rebuilt the villages in a single day and then confronted his friend.

"Their Water style jutsu created new lakes and rivers.

"Their Earth style created new mountains.

"Their Wind style created new plains.

"Their Fire style created new deserts.

"And their lightning style created new valleys and craters in the earth.

"The two friends fought like gods. I will admit to seeing a star called down from the sky and a mighty blue warrior and a giant wooden buddha from all the way back in the Hidden Leaf village to where they fought in the valley of the end. The buddha caught the falling star and crushed it before the blue warrior severed the tops of mountains. In the end Hashirama prevailed saying to his friend 'I will protect this village with my life and strike down any who would dare threaten it, whether it be a friend, a brother, or my very own child. I will defend this village.' He died after that battle leaving my predecessor and master Tobirama to lead this village.

"Having seen the disgusting things of this village like Madara, yet still believing in the dream of his brother he led the village the best he could. He set up the military police to see if he couldn't stop the crimes. He founded the academy, the defense structures, the barrier seal keeping us hidden in plain view and tried to repair relations with the other villages. But… his term as Hokage only lasted about two years. He was attacked by an unknown assailant during a conference with the Raikage and nearly defeated. The attacker got away.

"Stone, who was blamed for the attack pointed their fingers at Mist, who had garnered a name for themselves as assassins, and thus began a blood feud between them. For neither forgave the other and an escalation of petty grievances pointed at them cause Stone to close it's boarders. Things were looking bad… A world war was brewing. On the way to a peace talk with Stone I was invited to attend as one of Tobirama's students we were ambushed. I was only seventeen when he appointed me Hokage and the next to lead the village while he drew off the enemy attacking us ultimately giving his life so we might escape.

"Personally… I believe Tobirama allowed himself to die. Whether it be that he thought the enemies he fought would only cease stirring up trouble if he died or that by doing so he would finally end his suffering of depression and be re-united with his beloved brother and all the brothers he lost I don't know.

"What I do know is that I was seventeen and leading a village on the brink of a world war. The first of it's kind. The fighting lasted three years and I became known as 'the professor' for being able to counter enemy tactics quickly by deducing their function and countering them. I personally broke Onoki the Fence-sitter's back after making his fabled Dust Release explode in his face. I fought the Third Raikage in a battle that lasted five days. I fought the Third Kazekage ironically named 'Kazekage' and dismantled his Magnet Release. I outsmarted my opponents and thought I was leading the village to a new golden age.

"I was a fool. The worst was yet to come.

"The Second world war began with an escalation between us and Stone. They thought we had humiliated them in not only the first war, but also for Madara. Onoki, was both a blessing and a cursing. He chose not to escalate the fighting, but he was also not above sending spies and their ilk around the village to sabotage us in our sleep. We were at war yet not. A Cold War. The damn finally broke when they tried to steal our Forbidden scroll, the scroll of the Second Hokage's jutsu, and even managing to gain the Shadow Clone jutsu and spread it around like a whore spreads herpes. A brave boy, the First Hokage's grandson died alerting us to them and trying to stop them.

"He was unfortunately murdered by a wielder of Lava style… he died horribly and slowly. Seeing this I lost it. I declared war and soon it was us verses Stone, Lightning, and a starving Sand village. I broke Sand first and forced them to ally with us before fighting a long, bloody battle between us and Stone and Lightning for two years. Then the longest and bloodiest battle occurred when the feud between Stone and Mist escalated following the joint assault of Lightning and Mist on the Village Hidden in the Eddies. A village aligned with the Leaf and one of our staunchest allies, the Uzumaki's. Your namesake.

"Following their assault we joined the fray and became part of the bloodiest battle in history since the Warring States Period, the Third Shinobi War. Beforehand the villages would squabble amongst themselves mainly but Mist, with their newly appointed Third Mizukage, a monster named Uta, began their tradition of slaughter. They would force children, academy students, to murder each other in order to graduate… such a thing, on such a scale was the norm. A place where blood and horror reigned. It was no longer about the skill of the ninja but who had the best reputation, many would command the shinobi under their control to slaughter entire villages of civilians. Rouge ninja became more prevalent, bandit camps garnered more favor with civilians as a way to protect themselves, experimental medicine trying to make shinobi stronger, faster, more resilient, and to make it all happen at a quicker rate.

"The atrocities committed during this war… were enough that a single man, like an angel of death, called out 'No more.'. He was fast. So fast in fact they say he garnered the favor of death itself. He made his mark, however, at the Battle of Kanabi bridge, the bloodiest battle in the war. S-rank, A-rank, even the lowly Genin… he spared none. They were gone as fast as the eye could blink. Faster even.

"In a mere minute he butchered over two thousand. That man became known as the Fourth Hokage, the one who defeated the Nine-tails with the help of Death and sealed it inside your blood and bone. This is the history of the Hokage. This is the history of the villages. The history of the Kage…

"Naruto… you may not think much of this village but that doesn't change that men, good men and women have fought and died for this village. All while wearing that headband. You must decide for yourself if their sacrifice was worth it to you and if they shouldn't be honored by you wearing that same headband, in it's rightful place on your brow, to defend the new generation and give them something to look towards. This is the Will of Fire." The Hokage said seriously. "I know you will become a strong ninja and when you become Hokage you have my blessing to do what you think is best for the village as I have."

I had been staring a hole in the floor the entire spiel… I nodded my head. The Hokage seemed pleased. He didn't notice the way my eyes looked or maybe he did and thought it was a look of determination.

It wasn't.

What I didn't find out till later was that there was a set of beady black eyes that shone like little beetles staring at me from a crack in the door. After I left that person would change my life forever.

* * *

I left his office with pleasantries and a promise to do better. As soon as I left I became Ryo again, happy blissfully unaware Ryo, and not have to think about the shit spewing outta his mouth, because I couldn't stand being in the same room as him anymore.

I, at that moment, was completely and totally disgusted. Not in some 'teen angst', not 'trying to be different and defying the system', but true disgust at this man.

The Hokage… he used the lives of the fallen to justify why he did things. That was what the Will of Fire meant to him. At least that was what I got. I was trying desperately to not think about that shit, but his words kept running through my head.

'_It was their dream; I'm just trying to protect it'_

'_They started the wars and we were unfortunately caught in the middle' _

'_I am not at fault for the way the shinobi world is'_

'_It was worse back then, then it is now. You should be grateful for what you have'_

'_At least it isn't as bad as some of the things happening in other nations'_

Excuses… and total bullshit. And people bought it.

The Hokage conveniently forgot to mention a lot of things in his little 'history lesson'. History is written by the winners. No country was infallible. No country, especially one led by the decisions of a single man in a system such as this one, would be able to survive without also committing some of the same 'atrocities' as the other villages. Otherwise Orochimaru and Danzo wouldn't be a thing. The Massacre wouldn't have happened. And a whole host of other bad decisions.

The shit Orochimaru did… under Danzo's orders… and also probably under the orders of the Hokage… The Fourth was also a monster…

No wonder Stone hates us! Between Madara and the Fourth I see no reason why they would ever trust us again! We basically started at least the second and forced the others into an 'unconditional surrender'.

Tobirama was the one who created the whole village system. He was the reason children are told to kill their emotions and serve the militarized state. He was the teacher of Danzo and the Third Hokage… He created the Chunin exams where every six months the villages send children to fight and die for 'honor'. It was for money and those exams were nothing but glorified discount Hunger Games…

I entered my apartment and threw off my headband shaking with rage.

How dare the Hokage use those lives to try and justify what he did? How dare he actually try to defend his actions when he was directly responsible for each and every child… A new wave of nausea and disgust washed over me… directly responsible for each and every _soldier_…

I wanted out. I wanted out of this shitty world… I wanted out of this hell hole. Where the man who murdered every man woman and child on a battle field was hailed as a hero, where a man was considered innovative and peaceful for being better at the art of murder than his predecessors.

I wanted to vomit.

I did vomit.

It made me sick. The Fourth… I heard he was a good guy… Did he really murder Genin? An army of two-thousand had to have had some… Some of them children, some of them had families back home…

I have nothing against those who killed in war for their home and country. I have nothing against those who for the cause of liberty or self defense took the lives of other human beings because they loved their country or something worth saving more than anything. That I have no problem with and would even be proud to join them…

But as soon as a country lauds their slaughter over their enemy, honors the butcher as a hero and a saint, as soon as sending children to fight and die at the hands of murders for no reason…

Then I have problems. Big ones.

The earliest someone should even _enlist_ is eighteen and even then… The Academy is only four years. Maybe five and most of that was boring school stuff. If they were allowed to live normally in schools and then choose to enlist at eighteen they could get done with basic training in several months and at most a year. Same as in my world… but here… they decide to allow children as young as _six_ become frontlines. Kakashi Hatake, Naruto's sensei in the original, held the record for earliest graduate at that age followed by Itachi at _eight_.

I couldn't handle it anymore. I hated this place. Every time I think I see light at the end of the tunnel, every time I think 'Hey, maybe this place isn't so bad…' I am reminded of the corruption and sheer audacity of this world…

The Kage were monsters. The Villagers murderous and the whole system corrupt! No wonder Madara left! Everything he had been trying to stop just came to pass!

I began to laugh on the floor of my bathroom. I felt like I was going insane.

I was in hell.

This… the atrocities of the Third Great Shinobi war were going to happen again… weren't they? Millions of more people were going to die… and it was my job to stop it…

I passed out on the bathroom floor in a melodramatic heap. Then again, I was a theater kid so…

* * *

I was suddenly… somewhere else…

It was cold… so cold…

I was on my knees in the cold snow. The harsh, crisp air seared my lungs as a wave of frost splashed against my skin and sunk it's artic touch into my very bones.

I remember this place…

In my past life I lived near a lake. The cold dark blizzard that whipped around me seemed to confirm it. I was on the lake in the middle of winter. Slowly I turned and saw what I knew to be the only warmth in this area… a single ice fishing house… There used to be entire villages of ice-fishing houses on this lake. A single one alone on the ice was rare. I looked around and saw I was in the middle of one of these villages. The lights were all off… They looked abandoned…

I wandered in one despite my apprehension and shut the door. It was freezing out there! I was out of the wind, but everything was ice cold in here as well. There were five gallon buckets for seats, an augur for drilling and a small scoop to scoop out the ice that would form in the holes. Speaking of… there was only one. A big one… Normally there are three or four small holes and tiny rods dangling down each one.

"_**You don't belong here**_." A voice spoke. It seemed to shake the whole lake. And the ice beneath began to glow a burning horrible red. The water around the opening of the hole began to bubble like it was boiling.

"Who… who are you?!" I asked.

"_**Come closer so I may rend you…**_" A single blood red eye glared out from the whole. If I wasn't so cold already I would have said my blood turned to ice.

The Nine-tails… it was under the lake… I could see the brilliant red reflection of it moving under the ice.

This… This wasn't supposed to be how it was supposed to happen… It was supposed to be in a cage or something… Deep down in the hole was the Nine Tailed Fox. Underwater and under the lake… I ran out the ice house and back out into the blizzard. Except it wasn't snowing any longer. It was suddenly quiet. So quiet… I recognized this… the quiet of a world of winter.

Nothing moved. Nothing even breathed. Nothing existed for miles. Just the sound of my weight shifting under the snow and the panting of my breath.

"_**You cannot escape me here…**_" the Fox rumbled, and the lake groaned. I felt like I was in an earthquake. The snow covering the ice disappeared allowing me to see the Fox through the translucent, glass like ice.

It was enormous. Easily bigger than anything I could have ever imagined. I think I was roughly the size of it's hard, hate filled, slit pupil. It was smiling…

"_**So… I finally meet my captor…**_" The Fox spoke through the ice. It was terrifying. It was like I could hear him whispering directly into my ear.

"You're the Nine-tails…" I whisper.

"_**Yes… 'Papa Nuke' I believe you call me**_." The Fox said. "_**Tell me… why do you call me that**_?"

Unintentionally images of the 'future' flashed through my mind. Ones of the older Naruto fighting Orochimaru in his cloak form. Then images of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The two atomic bombs dropped on Japan.

The Fox chortled. "_**My, my… what destruction you humans can cause… Almost as much as the Ten-tails… I doubt even I could destroy a city that large with my full power so… effortlessly. Not bad… **_**Reincarnate**…"

"I didn't ask for this." I said quietly but the ice creaked and groaned betraying my fear and unease.

"_**Neither did I, yet here we both stand**_." The Fox said softly. Seductively... "_**I have seen your thoughts and desires… I can make it all disappear…"**_

"You want me to let you out and kill everyone…" I asked with horror filled realization.

"_**Is that not what you desire**_?" The Fox asked making me flinch. "_**You desire this world to stop. You desire the village system to be upheaved. For children not to suffer and die for the cause of adults and the perverted sense of glory conquest brings… If you let me go… I can not only end your suffering but make the world suffer for what they have done. This much I can promise…"**_

"Yeah… but you'd kinda kill all my friends." I said staring at the fox shivering in the cold. "Sakura, Hinata, Shino… I bet they wouldn't appreciate it if their home was destroyed."

"_**But their lives are lies**_." The Fox countered. "_**They seek to uphold a system which can only hold them in captivity. So… what will you do Reincarnate**_?"

I stared at the fox for a long moment.

He was right. By allowing the system to fester I was hurting them. By not doing anything I was damning them. But if I undid the seal…

"Nah… sorry but dying sucks." I said cracking a smile. "Tell you what though. If you can wait until the natural span of my life I promise to let you go as my final act."

The Fox's eyes widen. "_**You dare…**_"

"Look. I know you are like immortal and I know it sucks being trapped in there. I get it. I once got locked in a bathroom without toilet paper for several hours until a buddy of mine rescued me. I am asking if you can wait just a little longer. You've seen my memories of Gaara right? Do you really wanna go through that?" I asked seriously replaying the memory of Shukaku getting forcibly ripped out of Gaara.

It wasn't balls. It wasn't bravery. I, at that moment, was asking out of pure curiosity. He had every right to be pissed as hell. I would be too. I think he felt that.

"_**Feh. Humans… always the same**_." The Fox snarled. "_**You promise this and promise that, but you always enslave and destroy**_."

"Tell me how to release you." I said. "I swear that I will do it when I am dying. I am a ninja. I am probably going to die before I hit twenty… All I ask and all I can give you is a chance right before I die. You will have a shot to escape and run away. I hate this world and if I am dying trying to fight an enemy it is probably in my nature to give them one last 'Screw You!' before I keel over. So you will probably only have to wait about five or six years? Maybe? I am also going to be going after that Akatsuki group and they are coming after me. I am saying it is in both our best interests to stay as we are. However there will be times I will need your help."

"_**And why should I accept your deal? Why should I help you!?**_" The Fox roared. "_**Let me get one thing straight brat. I owe you nothing! Don't come asking me for my chakra like I am a damn milk cow! I am the Nine Tailed Demon Fox! You think I am in need of your assistance!?**_"

"Yeah. 'Cause your trapped." I said bluntly, maybe a little nervously. Big f-ing fox under the ice and just staring at me is a good way to unnerve me… "I mean no disrespect I am just trying to understand, but wouldn't it be better to just sit tight for a bit and supply me with chakra every now and again? Can't you like, kill me from the inside out with your chakra?"

The Fox seemed to consider it.

"You could probably erode the seal by supplying me with the chakra I need… I will be fighting people at least on par with the Sanin and the Hokage." I continued. "It will take a lot of chakra…"

"_**Their chakra is nothing compared to mine**_." The Fox said with a sneer. "_**A mere drop is enough to defeat them all**_!"

"Then I will make you a deal." I said and watched as the Fox said looking with interest. "I will call upon your chakra and every time I do I will expect to die. You can push as much chakra through me as you can and try to break open the seal. You will be free with your captor dead and free to destroy all our enemies like the Akatsuki."

"_**And pray tell, why I shouldn't just do that **_**now**?" The Fox scowled.

I gulped.

Yes, brain! Tell the giant ass fox nuke why it shouldn't just kill us now! Stupid!

The ice began to crack beneath me but didn't break as the Fox pressed against the weakening resolve made manifest.

"Because the Hokage can seal me up if you try to break out." I said weakly. "You also know that there are guys like Yamato that can bind your power should I attempt to free you. And if you do get out you will be hunted by the Akatsuki. And for some reason I don't think Itachi Uchiha is their strongest guy…"

The Fox was silent, and I was sweating bullets. I was risking everything on a hunch. The Fox glared.

"_**In the Uzumaki clan ruins in the catacombs deep beneath the earth is a mask. A mask with this face**_." The Fox said softly. The ice changed to form the face of a smiling demon. "_**I will be trying to break out of this seal every time you call upon me but if I don't succeed by the time you reach twenty find this mask, put it on your face, and slit your stomach open. This should undo the seal. Deal**_?"

I nodded slowly. In seven years I would commit suicide… A deal with the devil.

"Deal." I said softly and the world faded to white.

* * *

I woke up on the floor of my bathroom disoriented and the foul acidic stench of my own vomit filled my nostrils. I gaged and nearly threw up again… Shit…

I washed my face off and tried to get as much of that barf shit outta my nose as possible. When I look up at the mirror… Well…

Words echo in my mind.

"_**This is the mark of your promise**_." The Fox whispered. "_**Never forget your days are numbered… Reincarnate**_."

My hair… Soft golden locks were gone… Now were still spiky just… Red…

Shit… Now I'm a Ginger! Dammit Fox! Why would you mess with perfection!? Now I look like someone who stepped out of some anime convention! I look like freakin Shiro Emmia!

Grumbling as I realized that it wouldn't come off or change I just decided to forget about it and find out where Tenten put my groceries.

I noticed the sunset. I must have been out for some number of hours-

Shit! My fried chicken!

* * *

Like I said earlier, I was minding my own business eating a pulled pork sandwich the next day after meeting Papa Nuke. Bastard Fox changed my natural hair color and I was debating on dying it when I realized nobody recognized me without the blonde hair… so I transformed to only remove the whiskers and for the first time in my life I bought myself a pulled pork curry bun sandwich and just walked through Konoha.

It was a beautiful day outside. I ate my lunch under a tree I found in a training field and just watched the sunlight stream through the trees. The heat wasn't so bad, and the dappled light and light breeze made for a perfect nap location… Nap time she comes…

"BWAHAHAHA! Bow down bitches! I, the great Konohamaru! Lord of Terror! Has finally stolen the scroll of infinite power!" The boy ironically named 'Leaf Boy' said. Well… crowed. I was on the other side of the tree trying to figure out what was going on.

The kid greedily opened the scroll and began unfurling it and reading it with exclamations of 'I see!' and 'Truly!'. Eventually he found one that he wanted to try and flipped through the hand signs.

"Ninja Art! Impu- Gggkkhgh…" the boy fell over. Wondering if the kid was alright I wandered over and nudged him with my foot.

"Hey, kid… You okay?" I asked hesitantly.

Chakra exhaustion was no joke. When he didn't respond I checked his vitals like a responsible adult and found he was fine.

"Knocked himself out." I said. "Better check the jutsu he was trying to preform to see if there are any side effects…"

Well, that was the reason I gave out loud. Curiosity had me aching to check the scroll the kid had been reading from. The little bastard was going off about how he stole it so I figured I would make him return the scroll to the proper owner after lecturing the kid… about…

Whoa… this… this jutsu in the scroll was super advanced. Impure World Reincarnation? What the hell was that? I didn't even get half of what the scroll was talking about, so I moved on and became progressively more and more creeped out with each entry as I moved over each one with a morbid curiosity.

"Reincarnation jutsu… huh… gives the user the ability to permanently settle into someone's body? That seems familiar…" I mutter skimming over it. I have no idea what this thing is talking about and I am and math and science major. This shit is more about metaphysical yin yang stuff… If I wanted that, I would have found a book on Feng Shui… Next!

"Flying Thunder God…" I said reading it and my face lights up as I recognize some of this math. "Huh? Just a seal to triangulate distance, rate, and time but for subspace markers? Oh! Looks like you reverse summon yourself into another dimension and then use the reciprocal seal to summon yourself back. But… there's a part missing… huh… it is easier to transfer energy…"

After a moment's contemplation I smirked. "Nah! Let's go back to the beginning!"

It took a little finagling with the big ass scroll, but I found one I recognized.

"Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu…" I whispered touching the scroll gently.

Now lemme put a hypothetical to ya.

If you found a notebook, scroll, pdf, or whatever and it showed you how to do something impossible, like Goku's Kamehameha… Even if it seemed like it would never work… would you try it? I read over the description however and I didn't like what I saw.

"Splits the soul into equal parts… Can be used in combination with the Reaper Death Seal? Wait… isn't that…" I muttered but then a thought occurs.

What… kind of experimentation was required to create a jutsu like this?

…

…

…

HOLY SHIT SHADOW CLONES ARE HORCRUXES!

I am honestly at a loss for words. The Shadow Clone jutsu literally rips out a piece of your soul and then sticks it in a meat bag of, you guessed it, shadows. The jutsu requires you to spilt your soul… Granted you use chakra rather than murder to split your soul and it comes back to you but… your _soul_ man… As a Reincarnate I have absolutely no idea what that would do to me… better play it safe…

I flipped through it as Konohamaru slept off his dirt nap. He kept muttering shit like 'boobies…' or 'I _am_ the dark lord ladies…'

The kid was some sort of psycho pervert hell bent on world domination.

…

I can dig it.

Some of this shit… it honestly disgusts me.

Ghost Transformation can insert your soul into someone and melt their body from the inside out... Last user: Dan Kato… Hyuuga family… curse mark… my hands trembled as I read what Hinata's family did to their own members. Insect Assimilation… oh God… what have they done? Infants… being infested with insects… fifty-fifty survival rate… What?

Then I found one that made my heart stop cold.

"Reaper Death Seal…" I whispered. "Calls down the spirit of the Death God to come devour the soul of whomever the target picks… then the soul of the… both souls are trapped in eternal torment fighting in the belly of the Reaper…"

I stared at the scroll for the first time wanting nothing to do with it… Why? Why would someone kill themselves to send both themselves and another down to hell? And… this one was marked…

Reaper Death Seal of the Uzumaki Clan.

"Feh. Gingers really do steal souls…" I chuckled morbidly. "Well… Konoha… I have seen your sins… Lets see what else you have…"

It was… enlightening… to say the least. Izanami and Izanagi were cool techniques from the Uchiha clan… but their use in eye taking… ripping out their brothers eyes are messed up. The Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and the Mangekyo Sharingan were also listed and… just…

I wanted to hurl again. What you had to do to gain that power… murder your best friend and then if your blood brother murdered his best friend too you fight each other to the death so you can rip out your brothers eyes and implant them to yourself… And for what? Power?

"_**If not power then what do you desire**_?" a voice whispered in my head. Nine-tails…

I looked around. I was back in my mindscape but with the scroll there as well. The Nine-tails was still trapped under ice and his tails thrashed eagerly awaiting my answer.

I stared at the scroll and at my hands. "No… I didn't really want to be powerful… I'd like to be less afraid but if this was the cost for power in this world… I know it's cliché but what I really want is freedom. To run away. To escape. I… I'm not Naruto. I know I have said it before but I just… I just want to be left alone."

"_**You want them to fear you**_." Nine-tails whispered. "_**You want them to be afraid like you were afraid. You want them to suffer**_."

I laugh. Really laugh. I can feel the Nine-tails' confusion and irritation and that makes me chuckle more.

"Sorry, sorry! I just… you were doing the whole 'I can give you anything' schtick and I couldn't help but… Sorry… haha… I just…" I snickered. "I know I'm an evil asshole. You don't need to 'tempt' me. I accept that deep down, some parts of me are truly evil. The whole Id thing. Fruedian psychology. The inner animal. I get it. What I want mister 'temptress' is this… Freedom. But!" I continued when I felt the Nine-tails' power well up. "I also don't want to die! Not quite at that 'call of the void' bit… What I want is to fulfill my contract to the best of my ability and hopefully have a chance to reproduce in a way that is totally not creepy!"

The Fox was stunned silent.

"Honestly since I turned thirteen that had been on my mind. Half your age plus seven work when the 'legal' age of consent was twelve? Yet another reason why the elemental nations should burn... fricken lolicons and hentai logic… Sorry y'all but I prefer girls that actually have some maturity… mid-thirties please! Big boobs are always a plus, but I don't want none unless she's got buns son! And blondes, can't forget that… and the most important part… is she… ya know… nice? I am a believer of the hotness to craziness ratio scale. The hotter the more psycho. Just sayin. Rule one shall always be do not stick your dick in crazy... But I also realize I am in an anime and crazy is also really, really hot… so… Maybe a blonde tsundere with a spank-able ass and a nice rack who's sweet on me? If you can find me a way that I won't let Naruto die a virgin in a way that is totally not creepy as detailed in the criteria above I will let you out right now!

"But that is just what I want, want! I want a lot of things you Fantastic Mr. Fox! But what I want is always gonna be trumped why what I _need_, and I don't need that! I am a perverted, petty, sad, angry, little man trapped in the body of a teenager going through puberty! You think your situation is bad! HA! You only need to sit pretty and wait! I have to _live_ dammit! I have to lie, cheat, steal, and kill in order to survive! I have had to re-learn how to walk! I have had my ass wiped for me and was bottle fed for two years! ALSO! Do you have any idea how infuriating the academy was?! If I have to hear one more little song or memorization poem I am going to scream! People honestly don't give me enough credit for not going full psychopath and murdering them all in their sleep!"

I suddenly got quiet… really quiet.

"But then I met people that saved me from insanity. Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Sakura… Hell even Sasuke." I said softly. Suddenly my eyes burned, and I glared at the fox. "I only agreed to our contract because like them I thought I can help you. Giving me some kind of goal or purpose. I will not let you out willingly until the promised time. I am willing to let you try to break out early all you want but I want to make something clear. When you fail, because yes, you will fail. If you hurt one of my friends I will really be tempted to end our contract."

The Fox ROARED!

"_**WE HAD A DEAL**_!" The Fox bellowed threatening to smash the ice into a million pieces as his anger seeped like red jello between the cracks.

"Yes, you great furry bastard! And we are still good on that deal! Just lemme live a little before letting you out dammit!" I roared over him. "Please… I just want to… shit…"

I was crying… dammit why now. My mindscape began to snow softly. Cold, frozen tears finally falling. The Fox was glaring, snarling but otherwise silent.

"I just want… I want to…" I sniffed. "I'll let you out okay… just let me have this. Let me see Sakura's dream come true, her little family she's gonna have with Sasuke. Let me see her making that work. Let Hinata have a nice home life or move out and gain some confidence… Let me see Shino finally get a girlfriend or boyfriend I don't judge… Just… I… I died too soon last time… and here everything is really shitty. Can I please… please can I have till I'm twenty? Please?"

The Fox stared at me looking uncomfortable.

"_**For me to be free I would have to crush your life… very well. I will allow this on one condition**_." The Fox said. "_**I have been reviewing your memories of the future past. Do you remember the one called Tobi**_?"

I blinked, tears still in my eyes.

"Tobi…" I repeated before brightening. "Yeah! I loved that guy! He was freaking hilarious and-"

"_**He is the one who murdered Naruto parents and set me loose on the village**_." The Fox said.

I… blinked?

"But… just… wha-?" I stuttered trying to comprehend… just… what? Tobi was the silly one that made the show brighter... how was he... just... huh?!

"_**He is a monster. Why do you think he is in the Akatsuki? He was your 'father's' student, an **_**Uchiha**_** consumed by his hatred for the village for letting his mate die**_." The Fox said. "_**I want you to murder him...**_"

I stared at the monster beneath the ice.

"_**If you murder him I will allow you until you reach a hundred**_." The Fox said. "_**I hate him for putting me into place for that blonde bastard to seal me away. I hate him because he is probably the one that is trying to rip us out of the Jinchuriki and place us into that statue…**_"

The Nine-tailed fox, strongest Bijuu in existence _shivered_ in fear.

"_**But if you murder him I will wait for you to see all of these things come to pass…**_ " The Fox said grinning ferally. "_**What do you say? Deal**_?"

I stared at the ice between me and the fox. Red orange tinted water lapped up on my shoes. The winds whipped wildly around me.

Could I murder someone? Could I sit back and let this happen? If you had to kill someone for your life and the lives of those you care about… would you do it? He was probably super strong if he was part of the Akatsuki…

If you had to give your life… or murder someone… to stop someone from doing something evil, truly evil, would you do it?

_Sakura laying on the ground, eyes cold, glassy, and hollow. Never to brighten up when she finds out something new. Never to roll those eyes when I say something stupid._

I would.

_Hinata, branded with one of those infernal marks. Her soft crooked little smile never to be seen again as she becomes a slave to her own family._

I would.

_Shino, never being able to relate to anyone losing himself in grief and grudges against the people who were his comrades because no one would accept him._

I would.

_Sasuke, his eyes gouged out by Itachi and body taken over by Orochimaru. Worse yet becoming a bitter and hate filled young man and dying on the way._

I would.

An eerie calm fell over me. I could see my face superimposed on the glass surface of the ice. My eyes matched with The Fox's.

"Deal."

* * *

I woke up with a groggy head. Konohamaru was standing over me looking nervous. I glanced up at him and watched as he flinched.

I got up clutching my head. Ow…

'_**To help you kill the man, I offer my power. My blessing to the one who is my Avenger.**_' The Fox whispered. '_**I give you the power to make your dreams come true, and your nightmares reality… I am not your friend… I am not your ally… This is not me submitting just fulfilling my end of the bargain… Beware you do not mistake my gift for 'kindness'.**_"

"Very well… Partner… what shall we do now?" I said aloud and that would be my… last mistake.

"I…did it… I summoned a daemon from the outer realm!" Konohamaru said dancing and crowing before smiling sinisterly at me. "Hear me great one! _I_ am your Master! Obey me and you will part in my kingdom!"

I blinked.

"Hey kid I think-"

"Now that I have a daedric prince on my side I can become Hokage!" Konohamaru said piggy eyes smiling evilly. "I will become a dark lord that shall know no limits! This calls for a new name! I am no longer Konohamaru! 'Leaf boy' is pathetic! You my dark underling, may call me Stormageddon!"

I say Stormaggedon because that is the best translation. What he wanted me to call him is 'Sekai no Owari (End of the World) Shippuden (Storm/hurricane)'. So… Storm-armageddon… Stormageddon, Dark Lord of Terror… oh dear…

"O…Kay? Um-" I said face palming. What was with my life?

"I shall conquer the World! I shall be known throughout all nations as Stormageddon!" Konohamaru cackled. "Now! My Dark Underling! I command thee as thy master- Oh shit! It's Ebisu sensei! Um! Defend thy dark sire and defeat him!"

"Wait what?" I said turning around. There, standing in a tree was a man wearing black shades and dark clothing. He looked like the stuffy sort but… He glared like I wasn't even allowed to exist.

"So… You've unlocked your dark power have you?" The man said looking ready to attack me. "You dare steal the forbidden scroll… search it's dark contents and kidnap the Hokage's grandson?"

Konohamaru had puffed up his chest in pride until the last part.

"What?! NO! _I_ summoned _him_ from the dark realm to do _my_ bidding!" Konohamaru said stamping his foot. "He's going to kill gramps for me so I can take the Hokage's spot!"

"Wait what!?" I yelped. I may not be the smartest crayon in the box but even I know you don't threaten the life of the military dictator!

"I see that the monster has put you under a Genjutsu." Ebisu said glaring at me with renewed hatred. "If I kill him the Genjutsu shall fade."

He sprung towards me and I did the first thing that came to my mind.

"Scary Jutsu!" I said transforming.

* * *

Ebisu jumped back ready to take on this new threat and-

A black tail swiped at him, Ebisu dodging out of reflex. Ebisu had heard of this jutsu from Iruka. It was just an illusion. Nothing to fear.

Before him was the mighty Xenomorph standing roughly nine feet tall and black leathery skin dripped with a slimy sheen. It charged and transformed again. Ebisu was impressed, or at least he might be if it wasn't the monster attacking his student! Changing transformations was always difficult. Even one as skilled as he had difficulty-

A hard punch slammed into his jaw. Before him was Bane from The Batman series. Not the movie Bane but the one from the comics. Suddenly Ebisu was put into a headlock. The boy's strength was insane! Did he unleash the powers of the Nine-tails?

Ebisu however knew the weakness to every transformation! A sharp stab from a kunai would break the concentration of the user and cause them to transform back! He was brilliant for coming up with this under pressure! He was truly worthy of teaching the Hokage's grandson. Ebisu effortlessly stabbed the monster in the leg and heard him roar but… what?

Blood… real… blood… dripped down his kunai yet the massive arms refused to let him go. Ebisu trembled as he realized he had just-

The boy grew bigger somehow transforming even further. Bane became a creature he had never seen before. It roared loudly and no amount of kunai or shuriken stopped it's approach. He tried to release himself from the Genjutsu, but it wouldn't work! How? Why? Just…

Ebisu was slammed into a tree by a tremendous claw. The last thing he saw was the monster transforming back and becoming woozy.

* * *

Shit! I didn't mean to rough him up that bad! Knew using the Rancor from Star Wars was a bad idea! Thankfully it looked like I just knocked him out.

The Nine-tails gift… It turns my illusions physical. Not like, 'Oh the illusion is just so good the body thinks it's real' but-

"_**If you Transform you can make yourself whatever you like, if you Clone yourself it will be physical, and if you use Genjutsu those Genjutsu can kill. How many times do I have to explain it?"**_ The Fox said.

"But that doesn't make any sense!" I yelped. "Where did all that mass come from! And- Motherfu- why does it hurt if I take damage!?"

I still had the wound from where that bitch stabbed me! The Fox sighed.

"_**Yin Chakra adds substance to things. Yang Chakra gives life to substance. You are Yin release and I am Yang. Together we create all things.**_" The Fox said cryptically. "_**Basically you can add your chakra and make illusions more physical giving it form and then I make them real by breathing life into them. It's how Tailed beasts are chakra constructs and still physical. Yin and Yang. Got it?**_"

"Kinda." I said checking Ebisu's vitals. He was fine just…

"Truly you are a good dark underling. Come my Daedric Prince. We have much we need to discuss." Konohamaru said. He then turned to Ebisu and then back to me. "You have my gratitude for keeping him alive."

"Look kid I-"

"STORMAGEDDON!" Konohamaru roared over me. "Insulant welp! Either address me as such or by master! I shall not be called a child!"

I blinked.

"Look I-"

"KONOHAMARU!" A voice roaring with feminine fury screeched. Konohamaru flinched.

"You can handle her too right?!" Konohamaru squeaked and hid behind me.

"KONOHAMARU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! MOMMY IS VERY _ANGRY_!"

I gave him my most pitying look.

"You're on your own kid."

* * *

**A/N: A lot to unpack this chapter but... yes, I gave Naruto a super power that he never had! Can cross that off my Naruto super power bucket list. As for why the Fox gave him that power… you'll see.**

**Also Important: Working on a RWBY story so not gonna be updating this one up too often but hopefully enough people actually still wanna read it? Got a lot of big plans but these chapters are a doozy to write. Peace y'all!**

**Follow, Favorite, and Review!**


	3. Differences in opinion

Chapter 3: Differences in opinion doesn't mean we are not friends.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I was hungry writing this...**

**EDIT: Fixed a few typos and structuring errors. Trying to make this a little easy to read. Let me know if you find any more.**

* * *

"You're on your own, kid." I said hearing the angry mother's cries when I suddenly realized something.

Stormaggedon is close to tears, Ebisu the Jonin is passed out before me and behind me a few meters is the Forbidden, super-special, Scroll… If Stormaggedon's mom comes in to see this, I am _screwed_.

"What rank is your mom again?" I asked warily.

Stormaggedon looked at me with renewed hope. "Mom's an ANBU-"

I took Stormaggedon by the face and shook him like a rag doll. "_You honestly thought I can handle an ANBU_!?"

"I need you to kill Gramps so I can become Hokage!" Stormaggedon argued. "An ANBU should be nothing!"

I stared at the boy's beady eyes. Shit… he actually believed I could do it…

'_Fox! A little help_?!' I mentally called.

'_**Already**_?' The Fox asked.

'_The kid's mom is ANBU and she is about to go Momma-Bear on both our asses!_' I explained. The Fox hummed.

'_**Fine… Second power available. Just focus chakra in your hand and think hard.**_' The Fox yawned. It sounded bored.

I did so.

'_**Now say, "Oh mighty Fox! I beseech thee, take thy lowly servant's hand and-"."**_

"Screw you! I just wanna get out of… here…" I said as I watched the sky turn from blue to red. The clouds went black and everything was quiet. Stormaggedon was looking around in awe as well.

'_**Hmm… Not bad for your first time using it…**_' The Fox said. '_**Could work on the prayer to me though…**_'

"Okay, okay… What the hell just happened?" I asked out loud, still not used to talking to the annoying voice in my head. Stromaggedon was looking at me funny.

'_**Basically, you ran away like a little bitch.**_' The Fox said. '_**You used my power to create a Genjutsu and then hopped into that Genjutsu's reality.**_'

"I can do that?" I asked in awe, looking around the place again. Th-this was amazing…

'_**And more.'**_ The Fox said cryptically. _**'I am the first born of the Rabbit Goddess' egg. Did you expect I was powerless?**_'

"No… Just…" I began before groaning in exasperation. "Look, just how many powers do you have?!"

The Fox sighed. '_**Three. Creation of All Things from my father, Underworld Slope-Hill from my mother, and my own power of Reality Distortion. I also know a fair bit about Ninshu. The only thing keeping me sealed is The Reaper Death Seal. Damn bastard took a bribe and now I have the freaking God of Death holding me down! I literally can't escape unless I rip apart reality, and despite popular opinion I don't like doing that!**_'

"Wait, you have a mom and dad?" I asked incredulously. I could feel the Fox's eye roll from inside the seal.

'_**Everything has a beginning, though to be fair my father is technically my brother, and my mother is technically my grandmother and my sister… and step-father? It's complicated…'**_ the Fox said making me cringe a bit. '_**Basically, my mother helped plant a divine tree, technically my sister since it came from my mother's chakra and flesh, and then ate of its fruit, technically my nephew if it was planted again? Then mother had my father/brother and my brother/uncle, then fused with the tree/sister, and then was defeated by my father/brother, and then broken apart my sister/mother into nine pieces and I happened to be created first.'**_ The Fox finished with a shrug.

"And you are okay with that?" I asked, mind whirling at the information.

'_**It was over a thousand years ago and even I can't change the past that far back.**_' The Fox said.

"Quit ignoring me!" Stormaggedon yelled. I turned to the kid with piggy eyes. "You've been talking into space for the last few minutes and-"

"Hold on- talking to god." I said glancing back into space to continue my conversation. Stromaggedon seethed.

"So basically, you are freaking all-powerful and can make reality your bitch." I said.

'_**There are limitations of course but essentially, yes.'**_ The Fox agreed.

"So I can borrow these abilities from time to time?" I asked hopefully.

'_**I already gave you access to the powers of Reality Distortion and Underworld Slope-Hill.**_' The Fox said, his voice low in warning and disappointment. _**'Just like humans to desire more power…'**_

"That's not it! I just wanna know if there is some cost to getting out of here!" I said.

'_**Of course there's a cost. Reality Distortion is useful but takes up chakra just like any other reality distortion**_.'

"Other reality distortion?" I asked hollowly.

'_**You thought it normal for humans to spit fire and walk on water?'**_ The Fox asked sarcastically before becoming melancholy. _**'My father gifted humans with his power, chakra. He gave all men, even beasts, a spark of his godly might, hoping to create peace. All men are not born equal but perhaps they might become equal and truly able to understand each other if they had some sort of balancer.'**_

"I can see where this is going…" I said sadly.

'_**Indeed. Father foolishly thought that giving humans more power would be the answer, that if people could truly understand one another then there would be no conflict. But what if you could look into the heart of another and only see hatred?'**_ The Fox said darkly. _**'The plan might've worked had human's been the benevolent and infallible beings my father saw them as… but it was not to be. Humans will always be humans. So forgive me if I don't exactly trust you even with the power I have already allowed.'**_

I felt an ice cold sense of fear tremble in my body as the Fox's own Killing Intent was directed at me. I felt like I was going to be destroyed on the spot…

'_**I can revoke this power at any time.'**_ The Fox whispered in my ear. '_**I am not a slave. I am not your 'friend'. Nor am I your 'ally'. I, if anything, am your master. You want to survive. I wish for revenge and freedom. Our goals are compatible, though… if you cross me, or attempt to use the power I have deigned to give you… I shall personally rip your body, mind, and soul to shreds, and send you to Hell myself.'**_

"I hear you loud and clear… No using your powers in a way contrary to your will or to the breaking of the contract." I said face set in stone. Sh-shit man! That was scary! But at the same time, I felt my heart steel up in the face of it. The Fox smirked at my audacity. "I will warn you that I will use this power you have given me to do somethings. I am human, and fallible. Worse, I have attachments I refuse to let go. People I care about. If at any time your power will seek to do them harm I will never let you go."

The Fox chuckled. '_**So you understand the terms of our contract. I will protect your friends with my might, you will defeat my enemies and free me from my prison. Your payment is given in advance and your reward afterward is that I do not exterminate every one of those you find precious after I escape. Very good…'**_

"Good." I agreed. Seems like we were on the same page at least. "I ask to use your power to return us to the other land as soon as-"

"Gah! Who are you talking to?!" Stormaggedon said angrily. "I have been waiting but who is this 'god' you speak of above your master!?"

'_May I borrow your voice?_' I asked mentally. The Fox shrugged.

"**Stormaggedon…**" I said in the deep voice of the Fox. "**You dare call yourself my master. I have saved thy life thrice already**."

Stormaggedon became the picture of 'dark lord'… or he would have been if he wasn't a six year old that would maybe come up to my waist.

"I have called you from the beyond!" Stormaggedon claimed, unafraid of me. "I have sired thee with my dark incantation, oh Daedra! I command you to bow! Your might has no power over the contract!"

"**Contract? Do you know whom you are dealing?"** I asked bringing up my hands to cast. A moment later I was the Fox.

Not as large, but large enough for a child like him.

'_**This form is the easiest since my chakra naturally wants to look like this.**_' The Fox said helpfully. '_**But be warned, the bigger the transformation the more cost it has. This will always be easier to maintain though.'**_

Stormaggedon gulped as it took in my large teeth.

"**I am Naruto Uzumaki**." I said. No reason to lie to the kid. "**I am a vessel of the Nine-Tails and have saved your life thrice. Who are you again?"**

"HA! So you're not the Fox! I am Stormaggedon! I am the Dark Lord of Terror!" Stormy claimed. "…just not yet…"

I transformed back grinning. "**Then why should I help you any further than I have?"**

Stormy clenched his fists. "I desire to bargain."

"I'm sorry, but what do you have to bargain with?" I asked in my normal voice. Stormy looked worried. "Are you prepared to sell your soul? Are you willing to give me something that can never be taken back?"

Stormy glared at me. "I desire to bargain… time. I need to get stronger as fast as possible. I need to become the strongest shinobi in the world-"

"Impossible." I said easily.

"Why not!?" Stormy grit out.

"Because, you are trying to get out the easy way." I said. I could feel the Fox listening. "Like I asked before; Are you prepared to sell your soul? Are you prepared to give up something that can never be returned? If you are not then no amount of training or magic will help you.

"To become strong you need to be able to bargain against fate." I said softly. "Those born without powers can work hard and overcome nearly any obstacle. Those with powers usually need to practice or sacrifice every day to keep their powers getting ever stronger, more in control, more regimented. You are the son of an ANBU, and have the blood of the Third Hokage in your veins. You have talent. You even have others telling you to work hard like that Sensei I beat up earlier.

"If you want to become even stronger then check your privilege and train your ass off." I said. "I was born with power as well, but does that make my training any less than the other guy? Did I not have to sweat just as he did? I may have advantages that make it easier for me to do certain things, but just as many disadvantages. You think it is easy being the vessel of the Fox? You think it is easy walking down the street and feeling like you are some shit someone scraped off their shoe?" I laughed bitterly. "Do you think it easy not to believe that sort of thing about yourself after a while? That you're worthless, that people hate you, that people would rather you didn't exist? That's what I live with! Your Grampa has to deal with the same, just in a different way. He had to train for years to become the strongest, he had to sacrifice having a normal life, to have one filled with hardship and pain and fear for a nation he was put under. I don't disparage him that!"

"Strength isn't happiness. Train hard like a normal person, listen to the little voice inside your heart that tells you what's right and what's wrong, and if that shit is broken find someone's whose isn't and follow em- gah! Just go an enjoy your life!" I said getting flustered as my explanation started breaking apart. "If you are going to become Hokage like that, you will have to get through me! I won't give up! I won't give in despite what I am! Because that's not _who_ I am! And I refuse to believe that shit that people say about me!"

Stormy was stunned silent. I could feel the Fox's smirk.

"Okay…" Stormy blubbered. Geez… was that supposed to be moving? Shit. Now he's crying… Um…

"Okay…" Stormy said again. "I'm gonna be Hokage… normally. But I shall still be STORMAGGEDON! DARK LORD OF TERROR!"

And he bounced back quick… Kids sure are amazing.

"Alright… Let's get you home…" I said with a soft smile.

…

…

…

It was then that I found out that the alternate dimension I created was a hyperbolic time chamber rip off and I had teleported us right back into the arms of an angry 'Mama-Bear' and the same situation I had been in before…

The Fox, befitting its title of 'Demon Fox', just laughed at my suffering…

* * *

"So let me get this straight…" The Hokage said looking at the twelve year old boy sitting across from him and the other councilors of Konoha. In the past they used to have representatives from all the clans but because of bigotry and budget cuts it was just the Hokage and his two councilors. "You were minding your own business-"

"Eating a pulled pork sandwich." The boy supplied.

"Eating a pulled pork sandwich." The Hokage repeated looking over the report. "And then my grandson-"

"Stormaggedon." The boy supplied again.

"His name is Konohamaru…"

"That's just what he told me to call him." The boy shrugged.

"Very well… then… 'Stormaggedon' came to the clearing and attempted to use a jutsu from the Forbidden Scroll." The Hokage said.

"Really should keep better tabs on that…"

"Indeed." The Hokage said patiently. "Stormaggedon then and I quote 'passed out like a little bitch' after attempting to use the forbidden jutsu 'Impure World Reincarnation' or Edo Tensei…"

The councilors looked alarmed the but the Hokage continued.

"You came to the boy's aid and after checking his vitals attempted to read the scroll-"

"For context clues on what jutsu he just used." The boy clarified. "The kid just passed out, so I was attempting to give first-aid."

"I understand that part was essential and thank you for doing that. Not many would think to do so." The Hokage said genuinely. "After reading it some you went into a trance where you were contacted by the spirit of the Nine-tailed fox."

"Offered me power and shit and I accepted on the terms that it didn't destroy the village in spite." The boy said surprisingly calm.

"And in exchange for power you must kill a certain man by the time you reach nineteen years of age or you must, by contract use a forbidden jutsu to release it." The Hokage said worriedly. "Are you serious?"

"Very." The boy said. "Shouldn't be a problem though. Finding and killing him that is."

"And why is that?" The Hokage asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Just a feeling." The boy said cryptically. "If I fail I'll make sure to do the deed far away from the village. Keeping my end of the bargain should keep the beastie pacified towards the village so it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"And the alternative?" a councilor asked.

"It would push every ounce of chakra it had through me until I exploded." The boy said darkly. "I either would have gone into a feral state and go on rampage with the kid _right there_, or I literally explode from the molecular level. The kicker is that because of the way the seal is set up, the beast is lost in the stomach of the death god forever."

There was silence in the Hokage's office.

"So, I figured that was a 'bad plan', helped it understand that was a 'bad plan' and we came to an agreement. Kill this bitch for him and I get to live till I'm a hundred." The boy said blithely. "I also get superpowers."

The Hokage turned back to his notes.

"Then you came to and my grandson proclaimed himself 'Stormaggedon' and said you were his servant thinking you were a 'dark prince from the world beyond' sent by 'the dark forces of the multiverse' to aid him in his 'quest for world domination' and the 'subjugation of the human race'." The Hokage said with a raised eyebrow.

"He also wants boobies." The boy said. "He's kinda a pervert."

The Hokage coughed once. He'd have to see about a talk with the boy's mother…"I see… Then Ebisu came along and threatened to kill you-"

"Nearly gave away my status as Jinchuriki right in front of the kid too." The boy said.

"He claims you had… 'Stormaggedon'… under your control?" The Hokage asked.

"I dunno how to do that." The boy said.

"Right, right… So, you transformed into an 'Alien' demonic creature-"

"I'd say more eldritch actually, but basically… yeah." The boy explained.

"And attacked him, he leapt back, and you went on the offensive again, this time turning into a very large… 'Luchador Super-villain empowered through Steroids'." The Hokage read. He glanced up at the boy. "Steroids? Really?"

"He was too big to be a 'natty'." The boy said. Seeing the boy wasn't going to contribute more the Hokage continued.

"You put Ebisu in a constrictor hold to restrict his breathing. He 'shanked' you with a kunai and you released him to 'stop him from shanking me'. You then responded by transforming yourself into a seven meter tall monstrosity called a 'Rancor' to incapacitate Ebisu, subsequently trying out your new 'badass superpowers', and slamming the man into a tree with enough force to break it in two with Ebisu's 'squishy body'. Our field medic says he cracked three ribs…"

The boy looked sheepish.

"Naruto that kills people..." The Hokage said with a sigh.

"He was a Jonin! I thought he could take it!" The boy complained.

"Ebisu is a Special Jonin." The Hokage corrected. "Or how you described them once, 'Glorified Chunin just with sticks up their asses'. Do you think Iruka would have been able to survive such a blow?"

The boy looked down. "No…"

The Hokage sighed once more. "Thankfully the man was once on a team with Might Guy and knows how to survive such trauma. You will be required to apologize to him, yes, even though he threatened to kill you, but you will not have to pay the hospital bill since he nearly disclosed your status."

The boy sighed as well. "Yes, sir…"

"Let's see…" The Hokage said returning to his notes. "After checking the man's vitals, 'Stormaggedon' attempted to use you to assassinate me, I'll be talking with him about that later, when his mother Rei, who is a Jonin, apprehended both of you."

"And here we are…" the boy said sounding bored. The Hokage couldn't blame him.

"And here we are." The Hokage agreed. The man took off his reading glasses and stared at the boy long and hard. "I should punish you."

"But I didn't do anything." The boy argued.

"You hospitalized one of my officers." The man argued back.

"He tried to kill me and nearly committed a capital offense!" the boy countered.

"And you used above and beyond necessary force."

"He was- I didn't know what rank he was…." The boy said glumly.

"Next time look for the jacket." The Hokage deadpanned.

"Jonin Kurenai." The boy argued pointing out the one Jonin that he knew that didn't wear a jacket.

"Female. They get more ley-way." The Hokage said in explanation.

"I'm sensing a double standard…" the boy argued.

"We needed more of them on the force and concessions were made." The Hokage said with finality. "Your punishment is that you will clean the Hokage's monument. By hand."

"That could take weeks!" the boy exclaimed.

"Roughly four days if you work hard." The Hokage said shuffling his paperwork. "Iruka will be your overseer."

"Doesn't he have to grade papers or something?"

"No, he got done with that a week ago." The Hokage said. "You have another two weeks until you meet your Jonin sensei. I suggest, after scrubbing the monument, that you take some time to explore the Genin Library to familiarize yourself with the concept of Genjutsu. Sounds like your 'badass superpowers' are more inclined towards that. You will report at the Academy at oh-six-hundred hours for your punishment. Iruka shall meet you there. You are dismissed."

The boy rose from his chair and headed to the door.

"And Naruto?" The Hokage said not looking up from his paperwork. The boy paused. "Get a haircut."

The boy flipped him off with an offensive hand gesture, and walked out making the Hokage smile reminded of the boy's mother. His councilors, however, were of a different opinion.

"Hiruzen… we cannot allow such disrespect-!" Koharu began.

"He's had a hard life and a much harder day." The Hokage said reading over a proposal to set up a recycling system to reuse old materials like paper, metal, and glass for new ones. With chakra who knew what they could build? "If I had gone in trying to assert my will over the boy it would have angered him without cause. He really did do as he said. I was watching in the Crystal Ball."

"But we will only be able to use the Jinchuriki for seven more years." Homura said. "If-"

"His name is Naruto." The Hokage corrected. "Seven years with a Jinchuriki that actually cares for the village and will work to be on good terms with the Fox is better than trying to reseal it into a different host."

The Hokage took a minute to re-light his pipe, adding more tobacco. "He has even given us an idea of what we can expect from future hosts… We will just have to help him kill whoever the Fox has designated."

"And if he is important?" Koharu asked blithely. "He could be the Fire Daimyo for all we know…"

"Doubtful. Naruto let it slip that it was someone named 'Tobi'." Hiruzen said. "It's certainly a head scratcher… Though… If I was in the boy's shoes I would do the same things he did in a heartbeat."

"We just pray you are right about this…" Homura said.

The Hokage smoked his pipe, breathing in the smoke and then exhaling.

"I do as well."

* * *

So you may be thinking, '_First thing this son of a bitch is gonna do is go home and train with his new superpowers, figure out all the jutsu he learned from the forbidden scroll from memory, and become the overpowered Kirito-onii-chan lord of all harems and badassery_.'

Maybe and more accurately, _'First thing this son of a bitch is gonna do is get himself some potato wedges, maybe a little spicy mayo and some chicken nuggets and _then _he is going to train with his new superpowers, figure out all the jutsu he learned from the forbidden scroll from memory, and become the overpowered Kirito-onii-chan lord of all harems and badassery_.'

Sadly, you'd be wrong on both accounts.

No… this sad son of a bitch is gonna lay low, try not to gain any more attention and thank his lucky stars that he isn't in jail right now. He is going to try to get the mental image of the Nine-Tailed Fox being this weird, mutant, incest, god-baby, and maybe, just maybe, play something on the radio while crying on his rice to add some salt to it…

Look, a lot of crazy shit happened today and I somehow managed to bullshit my way out crying sweat and pissing blood. There is no way I am tempting fate again. Sucks that I got superpowers far beyond the normal mortal can even comprehend only to _not_ use them, but whaddya think I was gonna do? Get my black pj's on and try and be Batman? Tellin' ya right now that's not the life for me…

Though I could probably scary the living shit outta those monsters- I mean mobsters… I could clean this town up because I basically got told that reality is now my bitch. I could go all Godzilla on this shit show of a town and wreck the place… But that's honestly, too close to what ole Fuzzbutt in my guts was talkin' bout.

Anyways, yeah, laying low, doing my time and tryin' convince myself not to nuke the shit outta this place yet again. Fun times…

I sighed. I had to leave out the whole, '_I abducted your grandson to an alternate time distorting dimension, revealed I was the Vessel of the Nine-tails, and had a heart to heart with the kid about the nature of power and happiness_', because as it was, I am pretty sure they are already thinking of ways to lock me up for life…

Naruto you crazy bastard, what sorta world do you live in?

On the upside, it's dinner time and I managed to make me some actual jambalaya… Didn't quite have the right peppers and I couldn't find okra anywhere, but the rest was easy enough to scrounge up. Shrimp, chicken and some sausage…

Damn that is some good shit right there…

* * *

Iruka saw fit to mock my suffering by sitting on a cooler and drinking ice cold water right in front of me. Asshat… No wait… I can do better… Let's see… The damn scar-faced twinkled-toed assclown with the face of a resting bitch and half the brains! There ya go… But seriously, that man has a bad case of resting bitch face…

Like always in the 'Land of Fire' it was a nice pleasant hundred and ten degrees outside with a full hundred and thirty percent humidity. To make matters worse I was pressed up against a hot rock with no shade for upwards of ten hours a day. On the upside I had nice tan now, or rather a nice sunburn that will eventually either turn into a nice tan or some serious freckles. I freaking hate being ginger…

I had to come up with an excuse as to why the sudden change in hair color and best I could come up with on the spot was… well… I heard somewhere that my mom- my anime mom that is, had red hair and I wanted to keep it in the family. This seemed to mollify the similarly orphaned Iruka, and so I got to keep it. There was also a pretty good argument to be made that it was naturally ginger, and I had been bleaching it the whole time to look like the Fourth…

Eh… the sob story seemed to work pretty well either way…

Still, freaking gingers! I wouldn't be surprised if I had a freckled ass by the time this shit was done! Cleaning this stupid rock face was one of the most annoying things I had ever done, and I had tried to do my damn taxes over the phone dammit! 'You are number three-hundred and sixty three in line. Please keep holding.' Had shit on this! I had to scrub fricken' everywhere and let me tell you! That wasn't even the worst of it! No, there was an evil far worse than anything I had encountered so far.

Pigeons.

You may laugh but those flying rats were the bane of my existence.

I thought Orochimaru, Sasori, Danzo, and Itachi were the most evil things I would have to face off against in this life. But I was horribly, horribly wrong… You know that thing in the Legend of Zelda games if you try to kill a chicken it summons all it's buddies in a swarm of living death? Well… same with a pigeon man… just instead of death… it's shit. Literal shit… and then I would have to scrub the entire area again… Death would have been kinder…

ALL IN THIS BLASTED HEAT! IRUKU, YOU SICK BASTARD STOP DRINKING SWEET ICE COLD WATER IN FRONT OF ME!

Anyways… I was nearly done. Three days and a few bread crusts later (hey, if you can't defeat em try to appease the demonic little shitheads) and I only had… oh… several feet left? I had to scrub the last few spikes of ole Fourth's hair… then… sweet relief and air conditioning… Oh I could just feel it- What the?

OKAY, SERIOUSLY?! YOU HALF-BAKED, LILY-LIVERED, ASSCLOWN! YOU HAVE THE STONES TO POUR WATER ON ME?! YOU WANNA GO BITCH?! I'LL-

"Chill out Naruto!" Iruka said with a smile on his face after his little 'prank'. He laughed seeing my livid face. "Fine! Sorry! You want to get some food after this? My treat!"

…

…

…

Light filtered down illuminating Iruka from behind and a choir of angles sung his praises…

You are a specter from the gods… Am I dreaming?

Free food?

Food I don't have to cook?

Food… like, dare I say it?

Ice cream?

"Um… Naruto? Are you alright?" Iruka asked concerned. "You look like you have heat stroke…"

"And whose fault is that I wonder!" I snarled. Iruka chuckled at my sudden mood swing.

"Tell you what, finish up soon and I will treat you to something cold." Iruka said.

"I bless you in the name of all the ice cream gods. Let this man have a prosperous life." I said solemnly with an angelic expression.

"…" Iruka blinked. "The heat fried your brain didn't it?'

"You have no idea…"

* * *

I stared at it.

I swore it stared back at me.

"What the hell is this?" I asked dubiously poking the frozen confection before me.

"Mochi." Iruka said with a smile. "New dish. Basically sweet dough wrapped ice cream."

"But… what flavor is it?" I asked. "Mint?"

"Green tea." Iruka said biting into his own mochi. "It's quite popular here."

Gingerly, I took a bite. Sure enough, green tea…

"But… why?" I asked.

"Why what?"

"Why not deep fry this?" I asked. Iruka looked confused. "Use the same shit as the tempura, little bit of egg and fry the dough. If the mochi is frozen solid then the outer shell will become crispy and golden brown leaving the slightly softened frozen goodness on the inside intact."

"Is this like that time you were telling me that I should deep fry a breaded sausage?" Iruka asked. Hey, the Corndog 2.0 would have worked if I could actually find corn here… "What's with your obsession with deep frying things? It tastes good sometimes, I admit, but it is extremely unhealthy for you."

I frowned at him. He has obviously never been to the Minnesota State Fair, or any state fair for that matter. Case and point why Iruka was wrong was the culinary perfection of 'fair food' that was a deep fried banana split. Deep fried banana, three deep fried ice cream scoops topped with whipped cream chocolate fudge and a single deep fried cherry. If you don't find that at least a little appealing, if not for the sheer ridiculousness of trying such an abomination, then we have nothing more to discuss.

Besides there are other, less ridiculous foods to at least try. There were deep fried pickles, deep fried oreos- deep fried cheese curds! I'm American dammit! I like my food to contain a healthy dose of diabetes and cholesterol!

"You liked the deep fried pickles…" I argued trying not to chip a tooth on the frozen mochi. The dough was sweet yet slightly sticky… but rock solid. I'd have to wait till it thawed or risk damage to my teeth…

"Well… that cut the grease a little bit with the sour flavor." Iruka said. "I just don't like greasy foods all that much."

"I love them!" I proclaimed easily. "I will introduce you to as soon as I find out where they grow jalapeños here!"

"Jalapenos?" Iruka asked having never heard of them. I nodded.

"I wanna make you a real chilli cheese dog!" I said excitedly. "You get a bun, then add a hot dog, not just any hot dog, I'm talking the real bratwurst, chili, mustard, sauerkraut, jalapenos, and then you eat em with a friend…"

Iruka smiled at the description. "Sounds pretty good… I have no idea what chilli is but-"

I stopped cold.

This man… didn't know what chilli was? Nobody had ever _fed_ this boy before?

…

This was a wrong I _needed_ to fix…

"I'm bringing you lunch tomorrow." I declared. Iruka looked taken aback by the fierce look in my eyes. "I just need to know where I can find some good peppers and-"

"It's spicy?" Iruka asked nervously. I had experimented with spices before and a lot of people in my class thought I was some kind of spice freak… People, I need me some good spice once in a while…

"Nah." I said dismissively. "I'll go easy on ya."

Iruka didn't look convinced.

"Sakura would eat it." I deadpanned.

Honestly, I was surprised how big of wusses people tended to be. It wasn't like I was cooking with Carolina Reapers… Sakura was notorious for hating spicy food, so this statement seemed to relax him a little.

"Well, I guess I won't say no to free food." Iruka said bashfully. "How are you two by the way? I noticed you guys were fighting the day of graduation."

I was quiet for a bit thinking how to respond. "She doesn't wanna be friends. Says all I do is think of ways to kill people… She doesn't understand that I'm just trying to keep her safe…"

Iruka walked with down the dark streets of Konoha back to my place. The streets were kinda empty, but the air finally cooled by like five degrees and there was a general feeling of sleeplessness in town. There was an Inuzuka hound barking, random sounds of a busy town at night, minus the cars of course, and even a block party close by. I smiled ruefully, even this place had some good things in it.

"I think she's just worried about you." Iruka said carefully. "I know I felt the same way about Mizuki. He was a lot like you in that regard. Was always concerned about the 'real world' of Shinobi… But what is truly real is the bonds we share. I guess it is the difference between how we fight and why we fight."

"Whatever happened to him?" I asked. Iruka sighed.

"You did." Iruka said. "He turned himself in for a crime he committed a long time ago. They are re-opening the case and his fate will be decided in a few weeks. Until then he is being held in the municipal prison near the old Uchiha district. He said he wanted to live his life more honestly and that he was willing to try and hold onto beliefs he once held." Iruka gave me the side eye. "He said you made him remember why he was fighting."

I looked down. I had that much of an impact?

"I just told him that no matter what people thought of me I was gonna do my job and protect my loved ones." I said honestly. "I say screw the government and the way things are, but I don't want to see those I care about get hurt, so I come up with ways to protect them, even if I am not there…"

"Like what?" Iruka asked curiously.

I paused.

"You don't wanna know…"

* * *

_The day before the graduation test…_

"Okay, testing explosives in… three… two… one…" I counted and then chucked the home made explosive. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

BANG!

Sakura's eyes widened in terror at my… well… there's no easy way to explain this. It was basically a pipe bomb… Basically add a casing and a bit of shrapnel to an explosive note. Big whoop… How I learned how to make one was... not too impressive. NCIS and Mythbusters. Go figure.

The nails had done a good job eviscerating the fish I had caught. Would've used a pig but… well I don't have that kinda money.

"N-naruto…" Sakura said shakily. I was grinning like a mad man. BOOM BABY! Suck on THAT Orochimaru you sick snake pedo! I was totally gonna shove this son of a bitch down his throat if he ever tried hurting any of my- "NARUTO!"

"Eh?" I asked intelligently. "What?"

"Please don't make another one…" Sakura pled. I frowned.

"Um… I was actually planning on making like a hundred of these bad boys…" I said but was taken off guard by Sakura grabbing me and shaking me roughly.

"No!" Sakura pled. "This is wrong Naruto!"

"What do you mean it's wrong?" I asked taking her hands off me. "I didn't do anything to the seal formula, but I improved the lethal range to-"

"Stop!" Sakura said beginning to cry. "Please stop…"

This time I hugged her. "Okay… Okay… I won't make another one. Just… tell me what I did wrong…"

Sakura looked up at me with huge green eyes. Eyes that were worried, and dare I say… afraid. She merely pointed at the fish.

I stared at it's mangled body… and the surrounding crater… I had chucked it far enough and made sure there was plenty of cover but… I didn't understand. It did what I made it to do. Blow up the ever loving shit outta whatever I chucked it at.

This was a tool. No more. No less.

It was a tool to allow a single Genin, a single soldier to take out a Jonin in a surprise attack or take out an entire platoon of weaker enemies. It was going to make being a ninja a little safer for my friends… and much, much more dangerous for my enemies…

And Sakura was afraid of it… This thing I created. Why? How was it any different than an explosive note? How was it any different than a jutsu? Just because I live in this world doesn't mean I will conform to it's combat… I don't do that black magic voodoo shit Orochimaru or Sasori does. My way is more… straightforward… I didn't do any kind of blood sacrifice to make this so why was she looking at me like I had?

Why did she think it was wrong?

Sakura backed away from me slowly, eyes wide as she realized that no, I truly didn't understand what was so wrong about my creation.

I didn't know it at the time, but I had just hurt her deeply…

* * *

Iruka stared up at the ceiling wondering how he should feel. One hand, the boy he had been assigned to watch over the last few days was finally going to be out of his life. Iruka always had conflicted feelings about Naruto. He was the fox in human form… right? On the other hand, the boy, while irritable, was kind. Almost pleasant to be around. He seemed genuinely concerned about his friends and…

Iruka was conflicted.

This was supposed to be the monster that killed his parents? This was the monster that had gotten his best friend Mizuki in trouble? Had stolen the forbidden scroll and made a mock of the elders?

But there he was. Eyes lighting up like a kid receiving new-years money when talking about food of all things and blessed him in the name of the 'ice cream gods' when he told him he would buy the boy something cold… The boy was good. Really, really good at concealing himself. As Naruto's temporary probation officer Iruka had been warned the boy might disappear under any one of nearly thirty disguises… If the boy wanted to, he could have run away or beaten him in a fight if it came down to it. Iruka had heard what had happened to Ebisu…

Iruka frowned. That was even more troubling. While Naruto had used excessive force and had hospitalized the man… Naruto protected the Hokage's grandson, and had checked on Ebisu's vitals after realizing he had gone too far… This wasn't the work of a demon… but of a kid who had too much power and was a kind, if violent soul…

Swallowing his pride, and hatred of the Fox, Iruka decided to give Naruto a chance. While he still didn't trust the boy… perhaps he could give him the chance to prove he wasn't a monster or just faking it… On the other hand, Iruka was too soft hearted to truly hate the boy…

Iruka sighed. Why did feelings have to be so difficult?

* * *

That night I had a weird dream. I didn't know what it was, but everything was…red?

At first I thought the Fox had brought me here with it's dimensional control, but when I looked around I saw eight shadows. I thought I saw some I recognized. Their silhouettes being kinda recognizable, but just barely. They seemed to be waiting for me.

"Fuzz butt?" I called, but there was no response. "Okay! Not funny! Lemme out?"

Silence.

Suddenly, a number of pedestals appeared and one by one the shadows would walk up and grab something from one of them after deliberating for a while.

The first picked up what looked like an old school video game controller.

The second grabbed a clock.

The third grabbed what looked to be an old stuffed animal.

The fourth grabbed a temporary tattoo sticker.

The fifth grabbed what looked to be a little ball of sunshine.

The sixth grabbed a sword.

The seventh grabbed one of those rubber sticky hands.

And the eighth stared at theirs for a while as if not sure what to choose. Finally they chose something, but I couldn't see what it looked like. The eighth looked upset.

Finally it looked like it was my turn but there weren't any more pedestals. They all vanished and so did the shadows.

I was left in a world of red.

* * *

I woke up feeling hazy. What was that all about?

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I yawned. Everything has just been so… blah… lately… I looked at my calendar. I still had like ten days left until team assignments. Cool… I should probably get some training in. Blearily I grabbed my pants and walked into the kitchen. I was gonna make breakfast and- Oh hey, I promised Iruka lunch today… Chili… huh… that sounds pretty good…

I checked my fridge for the ingredients… Gonna need a tomato base and some heat… Oh shit, I'm out of hamburger… okay, gonna need to pick some up in town… But if I'm gonna get the chilli done by lunch I need to go right now… Shiiiiiiiitttt…. Okay fine! Breakfast in town!

I looked around my apartment for a clean shirt. Need to do laundry tomorrow… I picked up my old black one. A little small even for a kid my size but I was gonna go in a Transformation so only thing I need to worry about is if it smells okay.

I sniffed it… Smells okay… I only wore this to bed once so it should be fine. Eh, I just rolled out of bed so I can be forgiven if it smells a little bit like teenage boy.

Smacking my chops a bit in weariness and exited my apartment not knowing the weirdness that would ensue.

* * *

I ended up not going in a transformation… It was kinda early and there weren't many people out, so it was fine. People were also getting used to the fact I was ginger and for some reason they didn't notice me as much. Weird.

I got my damn hamburger and eventually decided on just making something to eat at home since it would be cheaper. My wallet was kinda empty at the moment… I sighed. To avoid most of the staring of the people who were on the streets I ended up taking a back alley. It was nice and quiet until I heard some thrashing and a trash can falling over.

"Look here girlie!" some thug said. "Just come with us quietly and we will make sure you get sold to a nice local lord!"

I turned round the corner and felt my heart drop like a stone. Sakura… They had her pinned up against a wall and were holding something over her nose and mouth. She was struggling and looked scared…

It should be common knowledge that human trafficking, even in my old world, was a big problem. People got sold for prostitution, actual slavery, organs, or experimentation all the time. The world is just a messed up place, that much I could almost accept… not really, but you know what I mean right? It would be just those missing people posters you see at Wal-Mart that you pass by before leaving the store. You see em but they aren't really… It's not… real? Ya know?

But what would you do if you saw someone you knew about to get kidnapped for who knows what awful things?

What if that person was someone you considered your little sister?

…

That's exactly what I did.

The trafficker squealed in pain as I busted his kneecaps with my baseball bat. His buddy tried to stab me, but it grazed off my leather jacket and his kneecaps were busted as well. Suddenly, I had both of them kneeling before me. Both looked terrified at how quickly I had taken them down.

I had just transformed into a tall man, maybe six foot-five and bearded. They looked up and I smiled, sympathetic expression, but with cold merciless eyes evident.

"You two just tried to do something that I'm deeply offended by." I said genially. "You tried to kidnap someone, and have probably kidnapped even more people… more than I am comfortable with, even as a Shinobi…"

The two looked horrified as they realized how screwed they were. I just shook my head in mock pity.

"And for that…" I continued, "I'm gonna beat the living hell outta one of you."

I pulled my bat into full view of them. The trembled. It was a solid bat. Metal core and wrapped in barbed wire.

"This, this is Lucile..." I said introducing it to them. "And she. Is. _Awesome_…"

Before either of them could react I struck the one on the left's shoulder, toppling him over and just… well… I kinda let him have it… Didn't kill him… but he certainly won't be able to walk himself to the hospital… I slung him over my shoulder once I was done. Huh. Transformations give me an increase of strength? Cool…

I then turned to the other guy who was gaping at what he had seen. I smiled with mock kindness.

"Go home, and rethink your life choices. I'll be giving this guy to Torture and Interrogation. You and all of your bosses are screwed." I said walking closer and leaning in. "But if you are too much of a shithead to take a hint… tell your boss if he doesn't stop this line of work, I'll come for him."

I let my eyes and voice transform into the Nine-tails'. "**And you don't want that to happen, do you?**"

The man trembled and shook his head. He stumbled to his feet and hobbled away as quickly as he could. Got his description memorized… He'll be found and my message heard.

I turned to Sakura. Damn… knocked her out with chloroform… I sighed and picked her up as well. Two for the hospital then…

Sorry Iruka… might be a little late with the chili...

* * *

Sakura came too about an hour later. I was waiting for her to wake up next to her bed. Head Torture guy Ibiki said he'd take care of the other guy. Apparently, he was one of the people helping take down the traffickers and dealers around the village. He was a little swamped but told me if I needed a job, to come by if being a field agent didn't work out. Nice guy…

"Naruto?" Sakura said waking up groggily. "What? Where?"

Sakura jumped finally registering me. She looked defensive, like she believed she was in a Genjutsu. Good girl…

"You were nearly kidnapped, and I rescued you." I said. "Codeword: "Luke, I am your father"."

Sakura relaxed a bit before raising her hackles again. "You misquoted it!"

"Fine, in the film it was actually 'No, Luke. I am your father.' People misquote it all the time so forgive me the slip up." I said with a smile. Sakura finally relaxed but to my surprise she didn't seem freaked out or worried at all. Normally, Sakura would worry and freak out and probably get indignant and angry and probably start hitting things. She was passionate like that…

"You okay?" I asked. Sakura looked surprised and then… sad?

"Not exactly…" Sakura said. "I don't exactly remember what happened so, I guess I am still processing it?"

I nodded slowly. That made sense but it would still be kinda traumatic…

"You're a redhead?" Sakura asked changing the subject. My eyes narrowed at the dodge, but I complied. Maybe she just needed something normal to talk about.

"Yeah… Learned that my mom was a redhead so I figured I should probably get myself looking more like an 'Uzumaki'. Ya know?" I said sheepishly. Sakura looked surprised though.

"You found out about your mom? Who was she? Did you find out her name?" Sakura asked rapid fire. I chuckled. Sakura was always more concerned about learning who my folks were than I was. I figured they were dead, or they didn't care about me. Either way I didn't have much motivation to learn about em. Sakura, however, thought that somehow knowing who my parents where would be super important.

"Didn't find out her name, just learned from Old Man Hokage that I came from the 'Uzumaki' clan. It's long dead though, but it used to be important to the village. Anyways, apparently almost all of em had red hair so I thought a style change was in order." I grinned. Sakura smiled as well but kept glancing above my head. "You like it?"

"Eh. It looks okay." Sakura said with a rueful expression. "Kinda looks weird with your eyes… but it looks intimidating with the black."

"I'll just have to get some contacts then." I said with a grin. "So… how's life been treating you?"

"G-good." Sakura said shakily. "I just… Well… I've been dealing with a lot of changes recently…"

"Like what?" I asked surprised. Sakura looked away. She is hiding something. "Sakura? Are you in trouble?"

"What? No! No, just…" Sakura said shaking her head. "I just… I have to study a lot is all. There are a few more skills I want to master before we meet our sensei and I just… I don't wanna screw it up…"

I sighed. That sounded like a Sakura answer. "Sounds like you could use a break…"

Sakura had an odd expression on. "Um… about that… I've been thinking…"

"Terrible hobby, I don't recommend it." I joked. Sakura puffed her cheeks in annoyance.

"I've been thinking something fun to spend time on would help me relax or something." Sakura said hesitantly. "And I was thinking about trying that game you described to Shino once… You know, with the stats and levels?"

I blinked. "But you hated DnD."

Slight backstory, a while ago me and Shino came up with a DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) type game. It wasn't exactly like it since I couldn't remember all the rules, but it was loosely based off Five-E. Sakura tried playing it with us but kept getting bad rolls and rage quit the game stating she hated all RPGs and wouldn't play again. Which kinda sucked since it's kinda hard to run a campaign with just two people, so I showed Shino how to play Magic instead.

Needless to say, I was a little surprised when she said she wanted to play that game again, nearly two years later…

Sakura looked sheepish. "Like I've said, I have been thinking about stuff lately and I kinda regret not playing… C-can you explain the rules again?"

"Um… Sure?" I said. Where did this come from? "Well, I guess the first thing to know is your stats. There is Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. Strength means how much your character can lift and stuff. It also helps your attack stat, which is different. Dexterity defines your ability to move through space and your skill at using finesse. Constitution governs how much your character can endure. Basically your stamina and your general durability. Intelligence quantifies your mental strength, your ability to memorize and your skills. A lot of players like having a high intelligence since it governs how well you use skills. Wisdom is kinda like your ability to problem solve, your spirituality and your will power. Wisdom can help you resist fear and is good for helping observe the world around you. Finally is Charisma which governs how likeable you are. It governs empathy, and how well you relate to people."

Sakura nodded slowly. "What about levels?"

"Well… you gain levels after you gain enough experience." I explained getting into the groove of it. "If you kill a monster, complete a quest or do something else of merit the GM, or Game Master might reward you with Exp points. Once you've gained enough of them you level up."

"D-do skills level up as well?" Sakura asked. "Can your stats improve?"

I blinked again. "Not really… I mean, in some games you can. But the game me and Shino were gonna play didn't have that. Well… there was a rule I was gonna include from Pathfinder where you get a chance to add points to a stat every four levels but skills? Not really…"

"But… what if you could?" Sakura asked. "What kind of skills would be helpful?"

I thought about it. "Well, if you could level up skills they'd probably start super low to prevent characters from becoming too powerful too quickly. What you are talking about reminds me of another game, but it is a little hard to describe. Basically if you did a skill a lot, like say, sword fighting, you could do more damage with a sword." I said thinking about Skyrim. I was an Oblivion player myself, but Skyrim was the more popular game… "These usually come with set routes to level those skills called a 'skill tree' which will give you knew skills created from the one you were cultivating. Think of it kinda like that one jutsu Iruka was talking about. There is the Phoenix Flower jutsu and then there's the Phoenix Flower Sage. The skill levels up as you use it."

Sakura nodded again. "Sounds cool."

"Yeah, but it comes with a lot of drawbacks." I said. "You asked before which skills would be helpful, but there are a lot. Like way to many for one character to know them all. Usually characters form a team to cover one another's bases. For example a character like a Wizard who has high intelligence might not be so good at close range, so he teams up with a Warrior who is good at close range but needs protection from spells."

Sakura looked down. "So… I'd need other people to play with me?"

"Well… Yeah…" I said. "That's kinda why me and Shino were hoping you'd play. Hinata didn't seem to want to and it would be kinda foolish to try and have Shino control four characters at once. Card games are better if you want to do that. Part of the fun of RPGs is playing a role and then learning how to work together as a team to take down obstacles. It helps others get closer to each other."

Sakura was quiet for a while. I sighed.

"I know you said we aren't friends anymore and I get that I have been… protective… lately… but I still care about your safety and stuff. I respect your skills… I just… have a hard time…" I admitted. Honestly, I felt like a father sending his little girl off to college, as weird as that sounds. We may be the same age physically, but I still worry about her like that…

Sakura looked up. She had a weird expression. "Naruto… who are you?"

I blinked at the question.

"What do you mean?" I asked as felt where this was heading.

"You seem… older." Sakura admitted. "You change quickly. Too quickly sometimes. It's like you are just playing a role of the person I know. I get worried sometimes when I feel like I can't tell which 'you' is the real one. Are you this violent sociopath that only cares about destroying his enemy or that kid who invited Hinata to be your friend because you wanted to help her?"

"People are full of contradictions." I said weakly. Shit… I thought she was talking about me being a reincarnation for a sec… "Is it really so hard to see someone be both? I just… You guys are like… family. The only family I have… I don't really have other people that I care about or who even care about me… So I get scared okay? Scared I might lose one of you… I'd do anything to prevent that."

Literally. I just sold my soul to the Nine-tails the other day just to protect you. Can't you see that? Do you know the lengths I would go? I can't imagine a world with out them. Not in a romantic way, no… just… Ew… She's like twelve… No… I just… If I lose them I will truly be alone in this world… Losing them… that's my worst nightmare…

"Um…" Sakura begun snapping me out of my depressed stupor. "I-I think it's sweet but… I think you are letting your fear rule over you… We all die eventually Naruto… I-I mean-! I just-! Argh!"

I smiled as Sakura metaphorically put her foot in her mouth. This was the girl I knew. She had a hard time saying the right thing at the right time-

"But I want you to know that you don't have to worry so much!" Sakura finally sputtered out. "I worry that you are going to lose yourself trying to 'protect' us when you are slowly becoming the monster we need protection from."

I stared at her. Wha-?

"You come up with new and dangerous ways to kill people." Sakura said quietly. "You jump at shadows and worry about things that will never happen…"

Sakura bit her lip as she continued. "The problem is you are right. This morning proves it… but I worry… I worry you are going to do something you regret jumping at shadows. That we are losing you… the real you. The nice person you are… Don't look so surprised. Yes, you are a good person Naruto…"

I stared at her.

"So I'm just… concerned about how you go about trying to protect us." Sakura continued. "But I never wanted to stop being your friend…"

That… that hit home… hard…

I didn't lose her…

"Okay…" I said. "I'll try to tone it down a little…"

Sakura sighed. "You said that last time… Tell me… What did you do to the guys that tried to kidnap me?"

I felt my face darken. The mere memory making my blood boil.

"That's what I thought." Sakura said quietly. I looked down.

"So what does that make us?" I asked. "Friends who don't agree with each other?"

Sakura nodded. I frowned.

There was an awkward silence.

So we were two people who disagreed and refused to back down on what we thought was 'right' while still wanting to be friends? I admit my ways are a little violent but… you kinda gotta be in this world… Why couldn't Sakura see that? Why couldn't she understand that she was nearly kidnapped and, if I heard that guy correctly, sold as some sex slave to some nobleman? How could you not be protective and violent in that situation? Granted, beating the guy half-to-death with a baseball bat was probably overkill but if you nearly had your little sister nearly kidnapped would you be as merciful to the kidnapper? Especially if you didn't know if they were going to get caught?

No… This world was too messed up for that empathy shit. I mean, you should have some but… I frowned at the hypocrisy and contradiction in my head. I was all fine and dandy cursing the village for being bloodthirsty monsters that did terrible things a few days ago… But now here I was trying to justify my violent actions saying I was in the right because they were hurting my loved ones…

But that's where I figured I made the distinction. I only cared if my people were safe. A village, however, had to listen to the will of the Hokage. Sakura, Hinata, and Shino owed me no allegiance if they chose. They didn't have to listen to me or obey me, like the Hokage did… They didn't really need to do anything. They were my friends… I did the shit I did because I loved them… in a totally platonic way… I loved Hinata's little grins as she slowly remembers to be happy, loved Shino's deadpan humor, and Sakura's normalness…

So why couldn't she see that?

After a moment I sighed. "Well… I gotta get going… I promised Iruka chili for lunch and I'm already an hour late making it… You gonna be okay?"

Sakura thought a moment and then nodded. "I'll be fine… and Naruto? Thanks for saving me… could we maybe hang out sometime later?"

I smiled a little sadly at the words. "Any time."

* * *

I managed to get the chili done, but all the while I was worried about her. She was hiding something, and I knew it wasn't my place to pry but… It just bugged me how nonchalant she was about nearly getting kidnapped… Then there was that dream… I know it was just a dream but with this morning's events I was worried if it might be some kind of omen…

Iruka loved the chili. I managed to get it to just the right spice for him and serving it with some regular plain-ass rice had apparently been the right choice. Iruka told me his least favorite dish was a mixed rice dish. He just couldn't handle the extra chunks as it reminded him of the food shortages after the Fox attack. Sometimes the rice they would ration out had bugs in it or would be bad and would make the kid really sick… Yikes…

The shit with the kidnapper also came to the attention of the Hokage. While he thanked me for my quick action in preventing a kidnapping he was also hard on my for using 'excessive force' again. I bore the reprimand like a champ though and he let me off with a verbal warning…

I eventually apologized to Ebisu in the form of a letter, Old Man didn't say it needed to be in person. I said I was sorry for breaking his ribs… and his spine… and his tailbone… and dislocated his arm… What? It was a good hit and the field medic apparently found more injuries than her original diagnostic. Ebisu was basically a mummy, but he would be out of the hospital by the end of the week. Medical ninjutsu was certainly amazing…

All in all, not a bad week…

I wandered to the old training field me and Sakura sometimes trained at. It had been abandoned some time ago by the Uchiha clan. Apparently after the Massacre they weren't able to keep up all the training grounds they owned, so they fell into disrepair. Me and Sakura fixed this one up some and it worked well enough as a target practice and general obstacle course area.

We only had about three days left before the Sensei meeting, so polishing up our skills would be a pretty good idea. Best not to look bad for Kakashi…

"Hey Sakura." I said walking up. The girl was looking better. She seemed… stronger somehow. I could feel it… "You seem stronger."

Sakura beamed up at that. "You too! Okay! Before we get training there is something I want to show you."

I hesitated. "Okay…"

"Naruto." Sakura said seriously. "I have superpowers."

I blinked. She was serious…

"So… you have like a bloodline or something?" I asked worriedly. Shit… she was a MC… of course she had a bloodline! It must have come out in Shippuden! I knew I should've kept watching! What if she became a target for the Akatsuki or some shit like that?

"Um… not exactly…" Sakura admitted. "More like I have multiple?"

"Multiple Bloodlines." I said hollowly. "Okay..."

"Okay?" Sakura said a little incredulously at my acceptance. "Just like that?"

"Well… sure?" I said. "I've always known you were special Sakura, so this sort of thing, while surprising, wasn't too far of a stretch…"

Sakura stared at me. "Okay… while that makes things easier… I was kinda hoping for a more excited reaction…"

"Um… sorry?" I said. I am not sure what to say. "So… what do you have?"

This time Sakura looked a little embarrassed. "You promise not to laugh?"

"Is it embarrassing?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. What kind of bloodline would be embarrassing?

"N-no… just… kinda?" Sakura said awkwardly. "I just wasn't expecting it to be like this…"

"Well, it's a genetic lottery. Some of em are good and some of them are pretty terrible." I said. "But it's you so it can't be too bad…"

"Fine…" Sakura huffed. Why is she getting so passive aggressive about this? Isn't this a good thing?

I mean, not a good thing for me obviously since whatever she has will probably have some kind of unique downside and that I will have to cover, but good for her? I mean, she doesn't exactly get the best abilities in the show. She was kinda terrible in the beginning but given how good she was against Sasori I figure she would be pretty powerful later on. Must have somehow triggered it early…

My thoughts, and all previous thoughts were shot to hell when Sakura said two simple words.

"Invite: Naruto." Sakura said calmly. I blinked. I was staring in horror a small little blue box.

**Xx Sakura Haruno has invited you to the party! xX**

**Xx Accept? Yes. No. xX**

I stared at it a long time before pressing 'Yes', if only to see if my worst fears were confirmed. Above Sakura's head was a little title.

**Xx Sakura Haruno: The Gamer xX**

Well…

Shit…

* * *

"Master… it seems we have lost some more resources." One said. "Would you like me to go after them?"

"No… Send in some higher level monsters and see what happens." The other said. "If they are destroyed as well, check out it out, but then report back to me."

"As you wish master." The other said.

* * *

**A/N: Yes… this is one of those stories. I promise that the 'Game' aspect will be kept to a smaller degree than other 'Gamer' fics. As to why, well…**

**I have always been fascinated by the perspective of other characters playing the 'Game'! **

**Naruto in this is extremely overpowered but he is somewhat nerfed by the fact that there is going to be eight other equally superpowered people. Watch as he tries to guide a girl who knows nothing about videogames on the ultimate death game while discovering the people behind some quite nefarious plots!**

**Please remember to Follow, Favorite, and Review!**


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